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Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v.2

Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v. 2
Since the dawn of time people around the world develop a closer relationship not only to their own country but also internationally. This is because of the growing tourism industry internationally and the business dealings each country has. It is agreed that societies greatly benefited from the closer relationships they have with the foreigners. This argument will be proven by looking at how international tourism brings diverse people together and business growth results in a convenient life for the locals. For one, International tourism brings diverse people close to one another. For example, in Boracay situated in Kalibu, Aklan, the beach capital of the Philippines, many tourists from France, Germany and America consistently come and visit the white sand beach and they constantly develop friendships with the local people of Aklan. With the comradeship that they have, the locales learn their cultures and different languages such as French, German and American English. As this shows that the closer relationships Aklan people have with the foreigners really has many advantages for them. In addition to this, with tourism industry comes more business resulting to a convenient life. For instance, in Boracay, business growth increases rapidly from international fast-foods to native foods, souvenirs to disco clubs that give more jobs for the local folks. Thus, they can surely afford basic needs for themselves and their families which make their lives more comfortable. It is obvious from this that the Kalibos have a benefited a lot from their closer relationships with the people from other nations. In conclusion, the relationship between the people of Aklan and the foreigners developed closely through international tourism that bringing them together and the business associated with it that makes local people's lives more convenient. It has been proven that closer relationship with the foreigners benefited enormously the societies. Thus, it is recommended for us to socialise with different nationalities.
Since the dawn of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
internationally
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry
internationally
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
dealings each country has. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that societies
greatly
benefited from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
they have with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
. This argument will
be proven
by looking at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
brings diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
growth results in a convenient life for the locals.

For one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
brings diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
close to one another.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Boracay
situated in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalibu
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aklan
, the beach capital of the Philippines,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists from France, Germany and America
consistently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and visit the white sand
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beach and
they
constantly
develop friendships with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aklan
. With the comradeship that they have, the locales learn their cultures and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages such as French, German and American English. As this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aklan
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people
have with the
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foreigners
really
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for them.

In addition
to this, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
resulting to a convenient life.
For instance
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Boracay
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
growth increases
rapidly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-foods to native foods, souvenirs to disco clubs that give more jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
folks.
Thus
, they can
surely
afford basic needs for themselves and their families which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more comfortable. It is obvious from this that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalibos
have a benefited a lot from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other nations.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aklan
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
developed
closely
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
that bringing them together and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
associated with it that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more convenient. It has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
benefited
enormously
the societies.
Thus
, it
is recommended
for us to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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