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Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. v. 3
In the modern world, the popularity of fast food such as burgers, fries and nuggets is on the rise, and it has become the most commonly eaten food among children. Nevertheless, its use is a cause of concern for many health experts, claiming that children must be discouraged from eating this type of food as it poses certain risks for health. While some people assert that schools should take the leading role to address this issue, others believe that it is clearly the parents job to prevent their children from eating such food. Eating fast food can be associated with multiple health risks, and teachers and instructors at school should stop their students from consuming junk food. As children spend plenty of time at school, it is a teacher's job to educate their pupils about the health hazards such as obesity, hypertension and other morbidities from eating fat rich foods. Furthermore, school administration should remove all the  carbohydrate rich content from their canteen and replace it with health friendly eatables, namely vegetables and other organic foods. Recently, Food and Drug Regulatory Authority in the U. S. has passed a legislation to abort the practice of distributing fast food items in schools all across America. As a result, obesity index of students has plummeted in the U. S. Hence, it is clear that schools have a major role in improving their students' health standards by removing fast food from the territory. On the contrary, it might be thought that parents should train the diet habits of their children. This can be achieved easily if they only provide their wards healthy food instead of fast food right from the beginning. For instance, they should add more vegetables and fruits in their meals.   By doing so, children's taste buds will develop a liking for natural foods. If parents adopt such measures for their children, they will not indulge in unhealthy diet consisting of pizza, chips and Coke in the future. Therefore, it is clear that proper nurturing of young ones can play an important role in conforming their diet habits. In conclusion, even though parents should teach their children the importance of natural, health friendly foods, I believe that it is precisely the job of school management to educate their students to conform their diets to match healty standards. This will bring long lasting benefits in their lives in terms of their physical and mental fitness.
In the modern world, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burgers, fries and nuggets is on the rise, and it has become the most
commonly
eaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Nevertheless
, its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is a cause of concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
experts, claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be discouraged
from eating this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as it poses certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take the leading role to address this issue, others believe that it is
clearly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from eating such food.

Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
be associated
with multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, and teachers and instructors at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their students from consuming junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it is a teacher's job to educate their pupils about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards such as obesity, hypertension and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
morbidities
from eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration should remove all the
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
carbohydrate rich content from their canteen and replace it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
friendly eatables,
namely
vegetables and other organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and Drug Regulatory Authority in the U. S. has passed a legislation to abort the practice of distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
all across America.
As a result
, obesity index of students has plummeted in the U. S.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a major role in improving their students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standards by removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the territory.

On the contrary
, it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should train the diet habits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This can
be achieved
easily
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide their wards healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
right from the beginning.
For instance
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more vegetables and fruits in their meals.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, children's taste buds will develop a liking for natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
adopt such measures for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will not indulge in unhealthy diet consisting of pizza, chips and Coke in the future.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that proper nurturing of young ones can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in conforming their diet habits.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the importance of natural,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, I believe that it is
precisely
the job of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management to educate their students to conform their diets to match
Possible spelling mistake found.
healty
standards. This will bring
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
benefits in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in terms of their physical and mental fitness.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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