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All over the world, people watch foreign films much more than locally-produced films. Why? should the government provide financial support to local film industries? v.2

All over the world, people watch foreign films much more than locally-produced films. Why? should the government provide financial support to local film industries? v. 2
For the time being, it is conceded that a great number of people, especially in developing countries enjoy more foreign films than the local ones. There are several reasons for this trend, and I believe the government must take part in supporting local film industry. To begin with, various issues could be the underlying factors why people prefer to watch foreign movies than locally-made films. First and foremost, blockbuster producers from Hollywood or Bollywood offer unique plot. It is because such films have been made by international producers who always include different cultures. As predicted, these particular movies could be more attractive than domestically-produced films. Moreover, technology is one of the fundamental aspects in foreign films. A box-office hit often represents sophisticated technology in audio and visualisation known as special effects. For instance, blockbuster film like avenger has used the special effects, CGI, which makes audiences receive eye-pleasing experience. By contrast, local film-makers frequently confront issues in order to produce high-quality films with special effects. It is undeniable that these difficulties come from lack of funding and expertise in film-making. For those reasons, people tend to enjoy overseas films than locally-made films on the big screen. To tackle these issues, I firmly believe that government should participate to support local film industries especially in the financial aspect. Firstly, funding could help talented amateur film makers in producing world-class movies. To compete with production from overseas, these people only need money to purchase high-technology film equipments, hire a talented film - crew, and others related to making high-quality film. Secondly, authorities should give chance to the local actors and actresses by providing a scholarship. This special scholarship could be a great opportunity for them to study further about acting. Consequently, local cinematic producers could compete with foreign producers. To sum up, instead of watching local films, a great number of mortals choose to enjoy overseas ones because foreign films are better in term of unique plot and special-effect quality. Nevertheless, I am convinced that the government should respond to these issues by giving financial support for the local film-makers and actors. By those kinds of actions, local film industry would be better and bring benefits to the country.
For the time being, it
is conceded
that a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. There are several reasons for this trend, and I believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film industry.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
could be the underlying factors why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
movies than
locally
-made films.
First
and foremost, blockbuster producers from Hollywood or Bollywood offer unique plot. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such films have
been made
by international producers who always include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. As predicted, these particular movies could be more attractive than
domestically
-produced films.
Moreover
, technology is one of the fundamental aspects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films. A box-office hit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
represents sophisticated technology in audio and
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualisation' is British English.
visualisation
known as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
effects.
For instance
, blockbuster film like avenger has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
effects, CGI, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
audiences receive eye-pleasing experience. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film-makers
frequently
confront
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in order to produce high-quality films with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
effects. It is undeniable that these difficulties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from lack of funding and expertise in film-making. For those reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy overseas films than
locally
-made films on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen.

To tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, I
firmly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should participate to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film industries
especially
in the financial aspect.
Firstly
, funding could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
talented amateur film makers in producing world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
movies. To compete with production from overseas, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
high-technology film equipments, hire a talented film
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
crew,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
related to making high-quality film.
Secondly
, authorities should give chance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
actors and actresses by providing a scholarship. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
scholarship could be a great opportunity for them to study
further
about acting.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
cinematic producers could compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
producers.

To sum up,
instead
of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
films, a great number of mortals choose to enjoy overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films are better in term of unique plot and special-effect quality.
Nevertheless
, I
am convinced
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should respond to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
by giving financial support for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film-makers and actors. By those kinds of actions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film industry would be better and bring benefits to the country.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay All over the world, people watch foreign films much more than locally-produced films. Why? should the government provide financial support to local film industries? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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