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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.4

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 4
In the era of materialistic, peace of mind is a state of mind. There are no any individuals who do not want to approach the wealth. More and more people want to become wealthy doing many things during their life. Some people reckon that health is wealth, as without the good fitness levels, it is not possible to achieve the peace of mind in life. However, some opine that payment is the best methods for getting the optimism. I strongly disagree with the given hook. There are several reasons behind this occur, which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark with, there are certain reasons why people think that wealth does not essential allotment of over the moon? First and foremost stage is that, peace of mind is a state of mind, which people can examine their emotions throughout the events. In events, people invite their closers who around them. They relish with others. It is not possible for searching the peace of mind. Another reason is that, when people die from the world, they are not able to carry out the these things, which they have received from others like payment, property and many more. Their things go waste. Therefore, they opine that it is not necessarily the financial for peace of mind. On the contrary side, some people get well-being throughout the wage, as they consider that they want to display the states in their community, where they live as well as business places. Without the wage, people can't purchase those luxury things, which they want to get in the future. Such as shelter, food, cloth which is vital for peace of mind. To conclude, I would say that, every coin has two facets. In this way, for getting the enjoyment both cash and these activities, which people can find.
In the era of materialistic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is a state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. There are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any individuals who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to approach the wealth. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to become wealthy doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things during their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that health is wealth, as without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fitness levels, it is not possible to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that payment is the best methods for getting the optimism. I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
hook. There are several reasons behind this occur, which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark with, there are certain reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that wealth does not essential allotment of over the moon?
First
and foremost stage is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is a state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can examine their emotions throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invite their
Possible spelling mistake found.
closers
who around them. They relish with others. It is not possible for searching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. Another reason is that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from the world, they are not able to carry out the these things, which they have received from others like payment, property and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Their things go waste.
Therefore
, they opine that it is not
necessarily
the financial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of mind.

On the contrary
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well-being throughout the wage, as they consider that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to display the states in their community, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as well
as business places. Without the wage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those luxury things, which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the future. Such as shelter, food, cloth which is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of mind.

To conclude
, I would say that, every coin has two facets. In this way, for getting the enjoyment both cash and these activities, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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