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Social media such as Facebook, Twitter is replacing facr-to-face contact in people's lives. DO you think the advatages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Social media such as Facebook, Twitter is replacing facr-to-face contact in people's lives. DO you think the advatages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is undeniable that the technology is developing more and more in the world. Besides, social network such as Facebook, Twitter plays an important role in the modern world. Some people think that it can replace face-to-face contact in people' s life. In my opinion, despite some definite advantages, I believe that this technological breakthough has more damaging effects on both individual and society. It is true that there are many advantages of social media. Firstly, people can keeps in touch with their family when they lives far away through facebook or viber. They just need to a equiment like smartphone, laptop can connect the Internet and then they cn chats and video calls through it. In addition, we also can use social network to talking with foreigner to improving English skills. It is the best way that helping you can study English better. Furthermore, in the past, businessman must go travelling long distance to meeting partners. Nevertheless, today they can hold virtual meeting through social networking. It can help them wasting of time. On the other hand, I believe that these social media channels bring about morenegative impacts. Firstly, people cannot know reality characters of their online friends. So, they can get some risky or they may be scammed. For instance, young female students shared their nude photos with online friends who used those sensitive photos for extortion. Besides, young people today has trend using the social networking then other activities like playing sports or going out with friends. That might make them become alone and depends too much on social networking. I think that face-to-face contact is a best way to close and supporting relationship in people' s lives then chattings or callings throush social media channels. In conclusion, although no one can deny the benefits of communications via social media, its also disadvantages in terms of online frauds and extortion.
It is undeniable that the technology is developing more and more in the world.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network such as Facebook, Twitter plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can replace face-to-face contact in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life. In my opinion, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
advantages, I believe that this technological
Possible spelling mistake found.
breakthough
has more damaging effects on both individual and society.

It is true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
in touch with their family when they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "live"
lives
far away through
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
viber
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
equiment
like smartphone, laptop can connect the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Internet and
then they
Possible spelling mistake found.
cn
chats and video calls through it.
In addition
, we
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network to talking with foreigner to improving English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is the best way that helping you can study English better.
Furthermore
, in the past, businessman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go travelling long distance to meeting partners.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they can hold virtual meeting through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb '' is used with an infinitive: "to waste" or "waste".
wasting
of time.

On the other hand
, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
channels bring about
Possible spelling mistake found.
morenegative
impacts.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot know reality characters of their online friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
risky or
they may
be scammed
.
For instance
, young female students shared their nude photos with online friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
those sensitive photos for extortion.
Besides
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has trend using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking then other activities like playing sports or going out with friends. That might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become alone and depends too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that face-to-face contact is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to close and supporting relationship in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
then
Possible spelling mistake found.
chattings
or callings
Possible spelling mistake found.
throush
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
channels.

In conclusion
, although no one can deny the benefits of communications via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, its
also
disadvantages in terms of online frauds and extortion.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media such as Facebook, Twitter is replacing facr-to-face contact in people's lives. DO you think the advatages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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