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Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v.2

Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 2
With the increasing number of people attending higher levels of education, whether living at home or mitigating to other cities is a controversial topic in today modern’s world. In my point of view, while I assume that both of these situations contain advantages and disadvantages, I would claim that living far from home has much more benefits than the rest. On the one hand, the youngsters living with their families have many advanced benefits. They don’t have to worry about the financial problems because these undergraduates get their parents’ financial support to cover their tuition and live rent-free at their own houses. Moreover, living with parents could bring college students more leisure time to study instead of doing household chores. However, living in the cocoon of caring families also deters the young from growing up and being independent. The university students living at home usually rely on their parents’ help and money more than these living far from home. As a result, these students will have a high barrier of earning themselves living skills such as cooking, washing clothes. And they usually don’t have the intention of working to pay their own educational fee which lead to lack of working experiment. On the other hand, living far away from home also contains both beneficial sides and shortcomings. To talk about the advantages of living in a different place to learn university, we have to concur that the undergraduate who have to acclimatize to new environments will have better living skills and more flexible solutions to tackle new problem popping up every day. Consequently, those living far from home could have many opportunities to be more mature and dependent. Nevertheless, it can’t be denied that living far from home could also have some drawbacks. First of all, these undergraduate could have gone through homesick and when they got hard time at school there was barely anyone to encourage and support them emotionally. Secondly, living in a new environment could make some students struggling to find new friends and distinguish the frauds to protect themselves. To conclude, living with families when attending university is beneficial in a few aspects. However, I am firmly of the opinion that studying and living far away from home has more significant advantages that outweigh the drawbacks. Because of that, I highly recommend that people should encourage themselves or their children to study universities that far from their hometown to explore the world and learn new knowledge.
With the increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attending higher levels of education, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home or mitigating to other cities is a controversial topic in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
modern’s world. In my point of view, while I assume that both of these situations contain advantages and disadvantages, I would claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from home has much more benefits than the rest.

On the one hand, the youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their families have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advanced benefits. They don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the financial problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these undergraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their parents’ financial support to cover their tuition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
rent-free at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with parents could bring college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more leisure time to study
instead
of doing household chores.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the cocoon of caring families
also
deters the young from growing up and being independent. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home
usually
rely on their parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and money more than these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from home.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have a high barrier of earning themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as cooking, washing clothes. And they
usually
don’t have the intention of working to pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
educational fee which lead to lack of working experiment.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from home
also
contains both beneficial sides and shortcomings. To talk about the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concur that the undergraduate who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
acclimatize to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environments will have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and more flexible solutions to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
problem popping up every day.
Consequently
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from home could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to be more mature and dependent.
Nevertheless
, it can’t
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from home could
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Did you mean "this undergraduate" or "these undergraduates"?
these undergraduate
could have gone through homesick and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time at school there was
barely
anyone to encourage and support them
emotionally
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
struggling to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and distinguish the frauds to protect themselves.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with families when attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is beneficial in a few aspects.
However
, I am
firmly
of the opinion that studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from home has more significant advantages that outweigh the drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, I
highly
recommend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should encourage themselves or their children to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from their hometown to explore the world and learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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