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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? 1 v.9

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? 1 v. 9
Social media has become a powerful source of information and connection. The Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp have brought the world closer than ever before. As we enjoy the internet and modern technology, there are also some disadvantages to it. However, I believe that there are more advantages of social media as compared to the disadvantages. Social media has become part of our life. People around the world are connected to each other through Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp etc. For instance, I have a “family group” on Whatsapp, where we share our daily activities and we are in contact with each other 24/7. This opportunity was never available before the social media revolution. Social media is also a good source of information. People share first hand knowledge about different occupations and businesses. For example, I follow a group of Doctors in Ireland, they share first hand information about the working conditions of physicians in Ireland. There are minor issues with the use of social media, however, it will continue to be part of our lives in the future. Some people argue that the sharing of personal information on social media could be used against us. It is a fact that our information can be stolen from our computers, mobiles, pads and many other technologies. For instance, some people claim, that some secret agencies have been using our personal information from the Facebook. We can't solve the problem by not using these modern technologies. People should raise their voice against the agencies and organizations that are involved in stealing our personal information. In conclusion, it is evident that all the modern technologies that we use today have some risks associated with them. However, the benefits of these social sites and modern way of communication outweigh the disadvantages. We must understand that social media is a revolution and we are part of it. Let's work together to make it safer and convenient for our coming generations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become a powerful source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and connection. The Facebook, Twitter and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
have brought the world closer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. As we enjoy the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to it.
However
, I believe that there are more advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as compared to the disadvantages.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become part of our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
around the world
are connected
to each other through Facebook, Twitter and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
etc.
For instance
, I have a “family group” on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, where we share our daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
we are in contact with each other 24/7. This opportunity was never available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
revolution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
share
'first hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "first-hand".
first hand
knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occupations and businesses.
For example
, I follow a group of Doctors in Ireland, they share
'first hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "first-hand".
first hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the working conditions of physicians in Ireland. There are minor issues with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
however
, it will continue to be part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the future.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the sharing of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
against us. It is a fact that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be stolen
from our computers, mobiles, pads and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
secret agencies have been using our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the Facebook. We can't solve the problem by not using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should raise their voice against the agencies and organizations that
are involved
in stealing our personal information.

In conclusion
, it is evident that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with them.
However
, the benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way of communication outweigh the disadvantages. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
revolution and
we are part of it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's work together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it safer and convenient for our coming generations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? 1 v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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