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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.23

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 23
Nowadays, there are witnessed tremendous development in agriculture, yet numerous people around the world are still going hungry. In my opinion, the growth of population and the wastes of food are the main reason to lead this problem. As we know that there are numerous people birth in the last decade since world war just finished. Most of the countries encourage people to give birth to more than one baby, including Western and Eastern countries. It seems to be a baby boom at that time. Although agriculture got a significant enhancement in recent years, the demand for food from the population is far greater than the supply. Besides, the phenomenon of wasting food is the other reason. We can see that the restaurant in developed countries is always spending a lot of food every day. The people always order a lot of food and can't finish at the end. To fulfil the demand of the customer, the restaurant will always prepare additional food and discard it. To solve that problem, I think the government should be started in the fundamental field, which is education. The government should focus on educating the new generation and for example, adding some environmental knowledge and affect of wasting food in order to enhance their environmental awareness. This is a sustainable way to prevent the problem. Additionally, the government should control the birth rate. The government should make a regulation on having children like each person only can have one baby. It can manage the growth of the population effectively. In conclusion, regulation from the government and educate the new generation is the best ways to prevent the problem. As a long term, it possible for everyone to get a meal and would not be hungry anymore in the future.
Nowadays, there
are witnessed
tremendous development in agriculture,
yet
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are
still
going hungry. In my opinion, the growth of population and the wastes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the main reason to lead this problem.

As we know that there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
birth in the last decade since world war
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished. Most of the countries encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give birth to more than one baby, including Western and Eastern countries. It seems to be a baby boom at that time. Although agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a significant enhancement in recent years, the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the population is far greater than the supply.
Besides
, the phenomenon of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the other reason. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the restaurant in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
is always spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
every day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always order
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and can't finish at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. To fulfil the demand of the customer, the restaurant will always prepare additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and discard it.

To solve that problem, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in the fundamental field, which is education. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on educating the new generation and
for example
, adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental knowledge and affect of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to enhance their environmental awareness. This is a sustainable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the problem.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the birth rate. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a regulation on having children like each person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can have one baby. It can manage the growth of the population
effectively
.

In conclusion
, regulation from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and educate the new generation is the best ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the problem. As a long term,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
possible for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a meal and would not be hungry anymore in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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