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Genetic engineering is a dangerous trend. It should be limited. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Genetic engineering is a dangerous trend. It should be limited. v. 2
In recent times, residents in various countries opt to rent instead of buying a house. Renting a home comes with advantages, such as freedom, no maintenance, and little upfront investment, and disadvantages, like no retirement savings and lack of stability. On the one hand, renting an apartment to live has a number of benefits. Firstly, renters have no long term obligations towards their rented property. This gives them the freedom to move and relocate to different cities or even nations; without requiring long term commitments. Secondly, landlords are responsible to maintain and upkeep their properties. Therefore, individual, who is living there on the rent, can call the owner when something is broken or requires maintenance work. Finally, a significant amount of money, when purchasing a home, is required by banks as a down-payment for a home loan. This money can be used for more experiential things; for instance, travelling or securing an advanced degree. While, on the other hand, becoming a homeowner is advantageous in its own unique way. Mainly, if someone chooses to rent for their entire life, then they forgo the opportunity to invest in their retirement savings. Most retirees, as an example, have a considerable portion of their savings invested in home equity. Thus, people who do not have home equity built up struggle to make ends meet later in their life. Additionally, one of the luxuries of home ownership is peace of mind due to stability. Because homeowners do not have to vacate their homes unless they want to, they can make long term plans for their families' future. For these reasons, owning a home is a dream for many middle-income families. In conclusion, renting a condo, could be beneficial to younger demographics who like to travel and has not saved enough money to purchase a home; while, owning a home is suitable for people who wants to start their families and settled down in one place.
In recent times, residents in various countries opt to rent
instead
of buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Renting a home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with advantages, such as freedom, no maintenance, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
upfront investment, and disadvantages, like no retirement savings and lack of stability.

On the one hand, renting an apartment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
has a number of benefits.
Firstly
, renters have no long term obligations towards their rented property. This gives them the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and relocate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities or even nations; without requiring long term commitments.
Secondly
, landlords are responsible to maintain and upkeep their properties.
Therefore
, individual,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is living there on the rent, can call the owner when something
is broken
or requires maintenance work.
Finally
, a significant amount of money, when purchasing a home,
is required
by banks as a down-payment for a home loan. This money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for more experiential things;
for instance
, travelling or securing an advanced degree.

While,
on the other hand
, becoming a homeowner is advantageous in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique way.
Mainly
, if someone chooses to rent for their entire life, then they forgo the opportunity to invest in their retirement savings. Most retirees, as an example, have a considerable portion of their savings invested in home equity.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have home equity built up struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
later in their life.
Additionally
, one of the luxuries of home ownership is peace of mind due to stability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
homeowners do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
vacate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
unless they want to, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
long term plans for their families' future. For these reasons, owning a home is a dream for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
middle-income families.

In conclusion
, renting a condo, could be beneficial to younger demographics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like to travel and has not saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a home; while, owning a home is suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "want"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their families and settled down in one place.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Genetic engineering is a dangerous trend. It should be limited. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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