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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
In this present world, usage of social media is increasing every single day. Nevertheless, sharing personal information with other people on social media web sites contains some risks. Both advantages and disadvantages of social media usage will be thoroughly analysed before drawing a reasoned conclusion. First of all, one advantage of social media is that people can keep themselves updated about the recent news by just using social media platforms such as twitter and facebook. For example, the majority of people in the world use twitter to share some information about a particular news or a situation. So, people can easily get some information from twitter in order to keep themselves updated. I think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages of it. However, there might be some content on the social media which can be harmful for children’s development. For instance, children may be exposed to some adult content when surfing on Youtube, since there are no limitations on accessing most of the social media websites. Nonetheless, this problem can be easily overcome by just putting some restrictions on harmful contents. In fact, many social media companies have recently announced that they are working on putting some age limitations for children in terms of accessing harmful content. To sum up, social media is becoming more popular every single day and it is agreed by many that there both advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it is concluded that benefits of social media outweigh the drawbacks of it.
In this present world, usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is increasing every single day.
Nevertheless
, sharing personal information with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Did you mean "websites"?
web sites
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
usage will be
thoroughly
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a reasoned conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated about the recent news by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms such as twitter and
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.
For example
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
twitter to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about a particular news or a situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information from twitter in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh the disadvantages of it.

However
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
content on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which can be harmful for children’s development.
For instance
, children may
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult content when surfing on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, since there are no limitations on accessing most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites. Nonetheless, this problem can be
easily
overcome by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on harmful contents. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have recently announced that they are working on putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
age limitations for children in terms of accessing harmful content.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is becoming more popular every single day and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
However
, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it
is concluded
that benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh the drawbacks of it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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