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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
In the era of information technology, social network such as Facebook or LinkedIn has been commonly used for most people without age limit. Although there are many drawbacks to use social media, especially the threats of information leak, I absolutely believe that its benefits surpass its negative effects. First of all, it is needless to say that media platforms can cause a variety of disadvantages. Social networking websites are easy for scammers to commit fraudulent activities, which are considered high-potential risks in using the internet. These hackers can create software installed in social media platforms in order to steal user’s information. For example, applications that require privacy permission to log in user accounts are usually implicit dangers of collecting data. In addition, sharing private life online is difficult to prevent search engines and enterprises from tracking customer’s behavior. Social media sites can use their tracking system to recognize what user bought, how they felt about specific items, which pages they were interested in, and many other user behavior streams. On the other hand, we must admit that social network sites play a prominent role in all sectors of life. They are effective methods of communication that helps people not only keep in touch with their current relationships but also broaden networks. Thanks to Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social platforms, the world seems flatter because people can stay connected with the rest of the world in some mouse clicks. The other thing listed as its positive side is that people can expand the horizons by updating and sharing cutting-edge news about society, technology, and their interests on networking websites. Many teenagers, officers, and even retired workers have owned social media accounts to participate in various groups and follow pages they are keen on. Without social media websites, communication would not be as easy as it is, nor personal viewpoint expression could meet many barriers. In conclusion, while we face serious problems of information security on social media sites, it is undoubted that the positive sides of it still overshadow its demerits.
In the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network such as Facebook or LinkedIn has been
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without age limit. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
especially
the threats of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
leak, I
absolutely
believe that its benefits surpass its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is needless to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms can cause a variety of disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking websites are easy for scammers to commit fraudulent activities, which
are considered
high-potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in using the internet. These hackers can create software installed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms in order to steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
For example
, applications that require privacy permission to log in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
accounts are
usually
implicit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of collecting data.
In addition
, sharing private life online is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
search engines and enterprises from tracking customer’s behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their tracking system to recognize what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
, how they felt about specific items, which pages they
were interested
in, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
behavior streams.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network sites play a prominent role in all sectors of life. They are effective methods of communication that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
broaden networks. Thanks to Facebook, LinkedIn, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms, the world seems flatter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay connected with the rest of the world in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mouse clicks. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thing listed as its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand the horizons by updating and sharing cutting-edge news about society, technology, and their interests on networking websites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, officers, and even retired workers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
accounts to participate in various groups and follow pages they are keen on. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites, communication would not be as easy as it is, nor personal viewpoint expression could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
barriers.

In conclusion
, while we face serious problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
security on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites, it
is undoubted
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of it
still
overshadow its demerits.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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