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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongest all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. DO YOU THINK THAT THE ADVANTAGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongest all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. DO YOU THINK THAT THE ADVANTAGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? v. 1
It is true that social media has revolutionized the way in which people communicate with each other, and it has affected people at different ages from children to the elderly. While I accept that sharing private information on the social platform might have dangerous effects. I believe that social media is more likely to be beneficial. On the one hand, social media can be seen as negative for both security and psychological reasons. From a security perspective, social media has made people more likely to be exposed to cyber fraud. Information such as Email address, phone number and home address that the user puts on his profile are visible for everyone; therefore, criminals can use this information to pose as that user in order to commit crimes or to steal user's bank account for example. On a psychological level, social media considered to be addictive and productivity killer. That people today spend most of their time surfing social application, chatting with friends and watching video clips all of which are useless activates that have no beneficial outcome on one's life. However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. Social media can have made it easier for people to find job opportunities. In social platforms such as Linkedin, people who are seeking new job share their qualification and experience, that way employers who looking for employees can easily find them using the web site system. In addition, social media also has facilitated the way in which people looking for a life partner. Every day, there are thousands of successful relationships created between couples who want to marry who are met on social media that otherwise they would never be met. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential benefits of social media are more significant than the possible risks.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has revolutionized the way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each other, and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages from children to the elderly.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I accept that sharing private information on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platform might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effects. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is more likely to be beneficial.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for both security and psychological reasons. From a security perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more likely to
be exposed
to cyber fraud. Information such as Email address, phone number and home address that the user puts on his profile are visible for everyone;
therefore
, criminals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this information to pose as that user in order to commit crimes or to steal user's bank account
for example
. On a psychological level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
considered to be addictive and productivity killer. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend most of their time surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
application, chatting with friends and watching video clips all of which are useless activates that have no beneficial outcome on one's life.

However
, I would argue that these drawbacks
are outweighed
by the benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can have made it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find job opportunities. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linkedin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are seeking new job share their qualification and experience, that way employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
looking for employees can
easily
find them using the
Did you mean "website"?
web site
system.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
has facilitated the way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looking for a life partner. Every day, there are thousands of successful relationships created between couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to marry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are met
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that
otherwise
they would never
be met
.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are more significant than the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongest all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. DO YOU THINK THAT THE ADVANTAGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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