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Social media is becoming increasingly popular among st all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular among st all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Social media is a new craze, regardless of the age of its users. These platforms have become so popular in recent years, that it is hard to imagine life without them. However, sharing personal information on social media can be dangerous. Given these risks, I still believe social media is a great tool to have at our disposal. Firstly, social media does exactly what its name suggests. It provides platform for people to connect with each other. That itself is such a huge reason for its success. For example, I can talk to my grandparents, who live in a different country, at my convenience. It gives me freedom and luxury to stay involved in their lives, even when I am not physically present. These services do the job of bringing loved ones closer. Secondly, it helps you sharpen your skills and stay informed via news from around the world. Services like "LinkedIn" provides the opportunities to connect with your peers. This advances your career and opens a way to learn new things. These services also helps with spreading the word and brings help when needed the most. For example, many nonprofit organizations receive donations this way. Even some natural disaster funds are being raised with the help of social media. In summary, I believe that the benefits of social media justifies the use of these services, despite the risks involved. If used responsibly, these platforms can shape a new and better world for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
craze, regardless of the age of its users. These platforms have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular in recent years, that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine life without them.
However
, sharing personal information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, I
still
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a great tool to have at our disposal.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does exactly what its name suggests. It provides platform for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to connect with each other. That itself is such a huge reason for its success.
For example
, I can talk to my grandparents, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country, at my convenience. It gives me freedom and luxury to stay involved in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, even when I am not
physically
present. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
do the job of bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
closer.

Secondly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you sharpen your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and stay informed via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Services
like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
LinkedIn
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
provides the opportunities to connect with your peers. This advances your career and opens a way to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
with spreading the word and brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
when needed the most.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nonprofit organizations receive donations this way. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural disaster funds are
being raised
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

In summary, I believe that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
justifies the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
responsibly
, these platforms can shape a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and better world for us.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular among st all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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