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Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion v.1

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. 1
There has been an upward trend in using technology in the education system. Some believe it has a positive impact, while others think it causes a counterproductive effect. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss both points of view. It is clear that the computer enhances the classroom experience by incorporating audiovisual media. As a result, the students find the lure to learn through this way of learning. According to a research published in the Manchester Newspaper in the UK showed that pupils find it more enjoyable and attractive to learn through videos which contain sounds and pictures. Further, it allows teachers to share ideas as well as resources online using the computer network. . In contrast, many disagree and believe that computers and technology such as internet have negative feedback on children because nowadays school boys spend more and more time playing video games that influence their education and the school grades. Also, sitting in front of a computer screen for an extended period may impact the health and cause some eye problems such as blurred vision and headaches. In 2017 a study done by some university students in Colombia discussed the impact of technology on students and it showed that 30 % of the them had problems due to prolonged sitting in front of computers. Although there are valid arguments on both sides, I personally believe that the rising use of computers and artificial intelligence in education is a positive phenomenon while it also has negative impacts.
There has been an upward trend in using technology in the education system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it causes a counterproductive effect. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss both points of view.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the computer enhances the classroom experience by incorporating audiovisual media.
As a result
, the students find the lure to learn through this way of learning. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
published in the Manchester Newspaper in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that pupils find it more enjoyable and attractive to learn through videos which contain sounds and pictures.
Further
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
teachers to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as well
as resources online using the computer network.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree and believe that computers and technology such as internet have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feedback on children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays school boys spend more and more time playing video games that influence their education and the school grades.
Also
, sitting in front of a computer screen for an extended period may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
the health and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
eye problems such as blurred vision and headaches. In 2017 a study done by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university students in Colombia discussed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of technology on students and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 30 % of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "them"?
the them
had problems due to prolonged sitting in front of computers.

Although there are valid arguments on both sides, I
personally
believe that the rising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and artificial intelligence in education is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon while it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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