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Many advertisements today target children. Discuss your view. v.1

Many advertisements today target children. Discuss your view. v. 1
Ad agencies nowadays ensure that their ad films reach the younger generation. This in turn earns a big profit for their sponsors. In my opinion, it is a grave mistake since it may end up in promoting wrong products and divert children to pick up bad habits. Any product, may it be good or bad, can be considered a success if children come to know about it. Consider a junk food is being promoted through a television ad, attracting children. Kids will buy it for the taste and also among their friends which in turn will increase the sales of the junk food. Such eating habits may pose many health hazards. When kids grow up with such kind of food habits, their society will become adaptable to junk food and in turn show up that it is acceptable to the future generation. A survey taken on the potato chips states that 70% of the adults have been eating it right from their childhood. Children getting influenced by advertisements inhibit many bad habits other than adapting to junk food. For example, a play station brand being advertised and was successful among children. If parents buy it since their kids keep pestering them, kids pick up the habit of being adamant about what they need throughout their lives. If parents do not buy it for them, knowing that would result in an addiction, they get depressed and grow up to be arrogant. Both the ways affect the moral values which has to be inculcated in children. A recent research proves this fact by stating that with the introduction of play station over the years, depression has increased by 80% among children. I would like to conclude by stating that advertisements targeting kids have to be banned so that only the generation which can distinguish between good and bad are aware of any product and the moral standards of the society are kept in place.
Ad agencies nowadays ensure that their ad films reach the younger generation. This in turn earns a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
profit for their sponsors. In my opinion, it is a grave mistake since it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
products and divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pick up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits.

Any product, may it be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
, can
be considered
a success if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about it. Consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
being promoted
through a television ad, attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for the taste and
also
among their friends which in turn will increase the sales of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Such eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
may pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health hazards. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
grow up with such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
, their society will become adaptable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up that it is acceptable to the future generation. A survey taken on the potato chips states that 70% of the adults have been eating it right from their childhood.

Children getting influenced by advertisements inhibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
other than adapting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
, a play station brand
being advertised
and was successful among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pestering them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
pick up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of being adamant about what they need throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for them, knowing that would result in an addiction, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed and grow up to be arrogant. Both the ways affect the moral values which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be inculcated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A recent research proves this fact by stating that with the introduction of play station over the years, depression has increased by 80% among children.

I would like
to conclude
by stating that advertisements targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the generation which can distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
are aware of any product and the moral standards of the society are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in place.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many advertisements today target children. Discuss your view. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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