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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.13

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 13
The internet has revolutionized the human interaction by introducing various social websites which are becoming popular amongst all the ages, but providing the discrete personal data on these websites can have serious ramifications. In my opinion, I consider that the benefits of improved communication among the population by utilising social media networks outweigh the drawback of interference with the privacy and the confidentiality. Despite the minimal drawbacks below, I believe that the main advantage of social media is a convenient communication between individuals. In other words, the world is becoming smaller as people residing in different continents can interact and see each other by overcoming great distances through the various social media applications available on the internet. For instance, during my 2 years stay in Liberia located in West Africa, I managed to interact with my family in Pakistan, almost daily by using WhatsApp, which would have been otherwise impossible. It is obvious that social networking on the web is bringing people closer and distances would not matter in the today’s modern world. Admittedly, there is a minimal drawback of social websites and it includes an infiltration to the privacy of an individual. In other words, information about a person’s location, family details and his interests can be extracted by manipulating the social media accounts. For instance, internet banking frauds are on the rise due to the manipulation of the personal data available on the social media. However, this threat can be overcome by restricting limited personal data sharing on social networks, which can enable us to make use of this facility without any imperil to our privacy and confidentiality. In conclusion, I consider that the chief advantage of social media by ensuring convenient and easily accessible communication far outweigh the easily manageable few minor drawbacks. I hope that cyber security awareness can help to combat the drawbacks of social media.
The internet has revolutionized the human interaction by introducing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites which are becoming popular amongst all the ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
providing the discrete personal data on these websites can have serious ramifications. In my opinion, I consider that the benefits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
communication
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
the population by
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
networks outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawback
of interference with the privacy and the confidentiality.

Despite the minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
below, I believe that the main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a convenient communication between individuals.
In other words
, the world is becoming smaller as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
residing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents can interact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each other by overcoming great distances through the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications available on the internet.
For instance
, during my 2 years stay in Liberia located in West Africa, I managed to interact with my family in Pakistan, almost daily by using WhatsApp, which would have been
otherwise
impossible. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking on the web is bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
closer and distances would not matter in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world.

Admittedly
, there is a minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawback
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites and it includes an infiltration to the privacy of an individual.
In other words
, information about a person’s location, family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and his interests can
be extracted
by manipulating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
accounts.
For instance
, internet banking frauds are on the rise due to the manipulation of the personal data available on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
However
, this threat can
be overcome
by restricting limited personal data sharing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks, which can enable us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this facility without any imperil to our privacy and confidentiality.

In conclusion
, I consider that the chief advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
by ensuring convenient and
easily
accessible communication far outweigh the
easily
manageable few minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. I hope that cyber security awareness can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to combat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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