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Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
Women, from all strata of society, have long struggled to make inroads into male-dominated jobs and university courses. However, there still exist many gender-biased hurdles to overcome. Some anthropologists proclaim that reaching the utopia of gender equality is an unattainable goal; yet, women's presence in the positions of ascendency has demonstrated quite the contrary. So, this former conclusion is superficial and should be reviewed in today's society. By taking a cursory glance at the history of humankind, it becomes crystal clear that the historical disadvantage of being a female has been prevailed upon individuals in early life and every educational stage. Therefore, the provision of gender-inclusive curricula is of utmost importance in diminishing the consequences of this chauvinistic behaviour. Another major factor which reinforces sexual stereotypes is language. For instance, words with sexist connotations lead those who speak the language to subconsciously categorize people by their gender. Corporations can also play an active role in eliminating the underrepresentation of women. If companies promote equal job opportunities, women who seek for promising job prospects will be more willing to enrol in male-centred university majors. This point is aptly illustrated by the statistical research conducted in 2000, which indicated that only five percent of employees of the British Petroleum company were females. Regarding women as incapable and incompetent by participating in such a work environment was the leading cause of this imbalance. This number escalated in the short term and reached thirty percent by 2015. In light of the aforesaid points, it is apparent that achieving sexual equity is not a lost cause. In the contemporary world, women numerously proved that they could make significant contributions to the prosperity of society even more than man. In my opinion, governments must take responsibility and pave the way for women's empowerment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
, from all strata of society, have long struggled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
inroads into male-dominated jobs and university courses.
However
, there
still
exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gender-biased hurdles to overcome.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
anthropologists proclaim that reaching the utopia of gender equality is an unattainable goal;
yet
, women's presence in the positions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ascendency
has demonstrated quite the contrary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this former conclusion is superficial and should
be reviewed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.

By taking a cursory glance at the history of humankind, it becomes crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the historical disadvantage of being a female has
been prevailed
upon individuals in early life and every educational stage.
Therefore
, the provision of gender-inclusive curricula is of utmost importance in diminishing the consequences of this chauvinistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Another major factor which reinforces sexual stereotypes is language.
For instance
, words with sexist connotations lead those who speak the language to
subconsciously
categorize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by their gender.

Corporations can
also
play an active role in eliminating the
Possible spelling mistake found.
underrepresentation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
promote equal job opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who seek for promising job prospects will be more willing to enrol in
Possible spelling mistake found.
male-centred
university majors. This point is
aptly
illustrated by the statistical research conducted in 2000, which indicated that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five percent of employees of the British Petroleum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
were females. Regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as incapable and incompetent by participating in such a work environment was the leading cause of this imbalance. This number escalated in the short term and reached thirty percent by 2015.

In light of the aforesaid points, it is apparent that achieving sexual equity is not a lost cause. In the contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
numerously
proved that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant contributions to the prosperity of society even more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility and pave the way for women's empowerment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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