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Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
With the rapidly growth of internet, social media has gain certain amount of attention from children to elders, there is no doubt that social media require certain amount of personal information. Some people believe sharing personal information in social media is beneficial, while other people deem that by sharing personal information cause some issues. This essay agree on social media disadvantage outweigh the advantages. As a people of all age can now excess to social media, one certain type of individual might not be have enough immunity for browsing through social media, which is children. Children commonly have low immunity due to their nature of being inexperience, by blindly browsing in social media especially without supervision from adults can expose themselves to unwanted content. For example, the violence content, which lead to being influenced to have violence behaviour or causing childhood trauma. Social media can be problematic for adults too. Many people feeling comforting sharing their own opinions, personal views and other stuff on social media that they do not usually share in real life. The information might be sensitive or risk of getting exploit. There are several news and articles about how an employee lose a job because of the one comment on social media or how a personal information on social media can attach an unwanted attention, for instant, a stalker. In conclusion, social media might be useful due to one of the main goal is to connect people together. However, using social media without any awareness can do more harm than good to people of all age.
With the
rapidly
growth of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has gain certain amount of attention from children to elders, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
require certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is beneficial, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that by sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
disadvantage outweigh the advantages.

As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
excess to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, one certain type of individual might not be
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
immunity for browsing through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which is children. Children
commonly
have low immunity due to their nature of being inexperience, by
blindly
browsing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
especially
without supervision from adults can expose themselves to unwanted content.
For example
, the violence content, which lead to
being influenced
to have violence
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or causing childhood trauma.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be problematic for adults too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feeling comforting sharing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
views and other stuff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that they do not
usually
share in real life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
might be sensitive or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting exploit. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun news seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some news".
several news
and articles about how an employee lose a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the one comment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can attach an unwanted attention, for instant, a stalker.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
might be useful due to one of the main goal is to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
However
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
without any awareness can do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all age.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups However sharing personal information on social media website does have risks Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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