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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.14

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 14
Work-life balance is beneficial for labourers. I think all workers are deserting to persuade this situation. In my opinion, spending a lot of time on working has more disadvantages for people. In this essay, I will provide three reasons for this to describe the importance of having leisure activities after working. First, leisure activities can release our stress and take us leaving jobs temporarily. Research has found that being under pressure does not enhance performance. Hence, labourers should schedule activities and go outside to relax. Doctors say that basking in the sun and absorbing vitamin D is not only good for our body but also our mood. Second, only family will support us unconditionally. Having much time to accompany them is meaningful for us, even in the performance of working. It is not too hard to have dinner and talk to each other if we finish the job and go home early. Making healthy relationships has a positive effect on working. Third, leisure activities can stimulate people’s creativity. Trying to do something different from jobs, maybe those activities can combine with our work. For example, Disney combined the mouse was an attractive feature and made famous films around the world. As a consequence, labourers should control their working time and do more leisure activities. This is not saying that the labourers should be lazy and go home early, but instead they should be encouraged to work smartly and have casual events after working. From the above reasons, it is clear that work-life balance is a win-win situation for labourers and companies.
Work-life balance is beneficial for
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
all workers are deserting to persuade this situation. In my opinion, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
has more disadvantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this essay, I will provide three reasons for this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the importance of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after working.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can release our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and take us leaving jobs
temporarily
. Research has found that being under pressure does not enhance performance.
Hence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
should schedule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and go outside to relax. Doctors say that basking in the sun and absorbing vitamin D is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our mood.

Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
family will support us
unconditionally
. Having much time to accompany them is meaningful for us, even in the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. It is not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have dinner and talk to each other if we finish the job and go home early. Making healthy relationships has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on working.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can stimulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s creativity. Trying to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from jobs, maybe those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can combine with our work.
For example
, Disney combined the mouse was an attractive feature and made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
films around the world.

As a consequence,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
should control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time and do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This is not saying that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
should be lazy and go home early,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
they should
be encouraged
to work
smartly
and have casual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. From the above reasons, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that work-life balance is a win-win situation for
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 14

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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