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Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantages people like unemployment and homeless in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantages people like unemployment and homeless in their own country. v. 1
Evolution of globalization makes the connection between countries stronger. Nowadays, every country is finding useful resources for their economic growth. The government of these countries uses these resources to earn money in order to progress and to provide international aid to those countries who are in need. However, some people offend such actions of their nation's government. I disagree with this statement and will provide credible reasons to prove. Firstly, I believe that providing international aid will help the country itself because this can strengthen their relationship, among other nations and will open a door to many opportunities. For instance, when the richest country provides health and education facilities to the poor country, this will enable them to recruit more staff to work in that country which will solve their problem of unemployment. Moreover, working in these areas might improve the resources of the poor nation which will further open more scopes in these sectors. Also, setting up industries in various nations will turn out to be the two way profit. Like, Telecommunication industries benefit both giver and recipient nations. Secondly, providing assistance on natural calamities occurrences like earthquake, floods etc. Are what we called humanity. Every country should have the separate foreign aid account for the sake of humanity. This can help the suffered nation to recover fast. When the developed countries give aid and abet to underdeveloped nations in return they get some share to use their resources. For example, USA, holding shares in oil companies of the Middle East nations. In the end, I think it would be appropriate to say that the international subsidy will be useful in eradicating poverty, unemployment, and homelessness in their own homey rather than creating it.
Evolution of globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
stronger. Nowadays, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is finding useful resources for their economic growth. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
these resources to earn money in order to progress and to provide international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are in need.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
offend such actions of their nation's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. I disagree with this statement and will provide credible reasons to prove.

Firstly
, I believe that providing international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can strengthen their relationship, among other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and will open a door to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities.
For instance
, when the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides health and education facilities to the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, this will enable them to recruit more staff to work in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which will solve their problem of unemployment.
Moreover
, working in these areas might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the resources of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
which will
further
open more scopes in these sectors.
Also
, setting up industries in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will turn out to be the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
two way
profit. Like, Telecommunication industries benefit both giver and recipient nations.

Secondly
, providing assistance on natural calamities occurrences like earthquake, floods etc. Are what we called humanity. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have the separate foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
account for the sake of humanity. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the suffered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to recover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. When the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
and abet to underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in return they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
share to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their resources.
For example
, USA, holding shares in oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
of the Middle East nations.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be appropriate to say that the international subsidy will be useful in eradicating poverty, unemployment, and homelessness in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homey
rather
than creating it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantages people like unemployment and homeless in their own country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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