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Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 9
Due to the progress, that has been accumulated by the development of technologies, modern people have acquired an immense amount of goods and services, that make human life much safer and easier. However, there is still a question, if all these appliances make the quality of life better. I stick to the opinion, that nowadays people do have a higher level of life quality that our ancestors. There are two things, that prove that. Firstly, the life expectancy all around the globe has increased due to the enhancement of the health care. People do not die because of a common cold in their thirties as they did a couple of centuries ago. Moreover, the modern medicine is capable of things, that were perceived as unachievable long time ago. For example, people from the nineteenth century would not believe me, if I told them that it would be possible to transplant a brain or a heart. Secondly, in the twenty-first century world the most of people have an access to high-quality food, housing, clothes and education, even if not all of them are rich. In contrast, in past centuries the most of goods, that are common for us today, could be afforded only by wealthy citizens. At the same time, it required arduous efforts to go from the segment of poor people in the upper class, while today this transition has also become less difficult. More and more governments are becoming successful at providing both rich and poor people with equal opportunities to thrive, Summing up, I stick to the opinion, that modern people do have better quality of life compared to all the generations that lived before.
Due to the progress, that has
been accumulated
by the development of technologies, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have acquired an immense amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
much safer and easier.
However
, there is
still
a question, if all these appliances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better. I stick to the opinion, that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do have a higher level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality that our ancestors. There are two things, that prove that.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy all around the globe has increased due to the enhancement of the health care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
in their thirties as they did a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centuries
ago.
Moreover
, the modern medicine is capable of things, that
were perceived
as unachievable long time ago.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the nineteenth century would not believe me, if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them that it would be possible to transplant a brain or a heart.

Secondly
, in the twenty-
first
century world the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to high-quality food, housing, clothes and education, even if not all of them are rich.
In contrast
, in past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centuries
the most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, that are common for us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, could
be afforded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by wealthy citizens. At the same time, it required arduous efforts to go from the segment of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
this transition has
also
become less difficult. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are becoming successful at providing both rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with equal opportunities to thrive,

Summing up, I stick to the opinion, that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do have better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
compared to all the generations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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