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Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.10

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 10
Smoking has been considered as one the worst habits. Despite the fact that it's damaging to human health is a crucial but people still cannot cut off on it. In order to reduce the total threat, it’s been proposed an idea of banning it, however, some people beg to differ. To my way of thinking it is important to take into account all life damaging things and do everything what is in our power to eradicate it. The consequences of smoking is not a secret, it may cause a bunch of disease, lug cancer, impotence and a heart stroke. Most frequently it causes the lug cancer as far as it namely concerned with lugs which include the processes of inhale and exhale. Furthermore, besides with the smoker, there is also a probability for his surroundings to get sick from passive smoking. According to the scientists, the non-smoker has a greater risk of getting lung cancer than the smoker. Thus because of the his own habitual smoker not only damages himself, but also surrounding his people. As far as getting rid of this habit is unattainable for most people, since the imposing of new regulations toward the smokers is seems as a only possible solution for it. Banning them for smoking in public places will definitely help to reduce the total damage. But the necessity in imposing of some other restrictions is also needed. For example, to be sure that in the family of smokers the habits of parents do not affect their child. To conclude, smoking causes a great harm to a human body and in order to mitigate it there has to be taken all needed actions. In my opinion, banning smokers is a reasonable decision and furthermore not enough for ensuring safety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
has
been considered
as one the worst habits. Despite the fact that it's damaging to human health is a crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off on it. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the total threat, it’s
been proposed
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of banning it,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
beg to differ. To my way of thinking it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take into account all life damaging things and do everything what is in our power to eradicate it.

The consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "are".
is
not a secret, it may cause a bunch of disease, lug cancer, impotence and a heart stroke. Most
frequently
it causes the lug cancer as far as it
namely
concerned with lugs which include the processes of inhale and exhale.
Furthermore
,
besides
with the smoker, there is
also
a probability for his surroundings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick from passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. According to the scientists, the non-smoker has a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting lung cancer than the smoker.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
habitual smoker not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
damages himself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
surrounding his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As far as getting rid of this habit is unattainable for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, since the imposing of new regulations toward the smokers is seems as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible solution for it. Banning them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the total damage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the necessity in imposing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other restrictions is
also
needed.
For example
, to be sure that in the family of smokers the habits of parents do not affect their child.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
causes a great harm to a human body and in order to mitigate it there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
all needed actions. In my opinion, banning smokers is a reasonable decision and
furthermore
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for ensuring safety.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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