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Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree? v.1

Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree? v. 1
Nowadays, the majority of young people have their own telephone with access to the internet. Although using these devices are harmful to their eye health, these consequences can be prevented by sparing schedule for using and smart phones can assist teenagers in their studies. Teenagers who are using telephones without any restriction can suffer from eyesight problems. This is because, screen of the telephones produces a lot of electro-magnetic waves in order to show the picture to the user. After 1 or 2 hours per day these waves can cause stress to the eye health. Consequently adolescents could lower their ability to see. For example, due to the research from WHO eyesight problems among the recent teenagers have increased compared to the past generation and these changes happened because of the development of mobile phones. However, these problems could be avoided by allowing for young people to use smart phones for a restricted time period. Teenagers can use their telephones in their study as an access to the data sources. They can quickly search for required information instead of going to the library and trying to find that data from the books. For example, students can use Wikipedia in order to find necessary information and this website known for its wide database. I believe that this makes over-consumption of smart phones advantage and they should only be used in moderation. In conclusion, while mobile phones can harm the teenager's eye health, I believe they can benefit from these devices by using them sparingly and for study purposes such as searching information on the internet.
Nowadays, the majority of young
people
have their
own
telephone
with access to the internet. Although using these devices are harmful to their eye health, these consequences can be
prevented
by sparing schedule for using and smart
phones
can assist
teenagers
in their studies.

Teenagers
who are using
telephones
without any restriction can suffer from eyesight problems. This is
because
, screen of the
telephones
produces
a lot of
electro-magnetic
waves in order to
show
the picture to the user. After 1 or 2 hours per day these waves can cause
stress
to the eye health.
Consequently
adolescents could lower their ability to
see
.
For example
, due to the research from WHO eyesight problems among the recent
teenagers
have increased compared to the past generation and these
changes
happened
because
of the development of mobile
phones
.
However
, these problems could
be avoided
by allowing for young
people
to
use
smart
phones
for a restricted time period.

Teenagers
can
use
their
telephones
in their study as
an access
to the data sources. They can
quickly
search for required information
instead
of going to the library and trying to find that data from the books.
For example
, students can
use
Wikipedia in order to find necessary information and this website known for its wide database. I believe that this
makes
over-consumption of smart
phones
advantage and
they should
only
be
used
in moderation.

In conclusion
, while mobile
phones
can harm the
teenager
's eye health, I believe they can benefit from these devices by using them
sparingly
and for study purposes such as searching information on the internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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