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Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. v. 1
It is true that lifestyle has undergone a dramatic change over the past decade. Thus, people have been fond of the latest fashions, hairstyle and are very particular about their personal appearance. While, in my viewpoint, these trends have more negative benefits than positive benefits that I will try to enunciate below with my own perception. To begin with, there are a couple of reasons why people are so influenced by the latest trends. Consequently, whenever they follow these latest fashions it brings some benefits in their personal life. Firstly, youngsters; nowadays, copies their role models, especially movie, stars, actors and sports personalities for their looks and clothing. Probably, these adolescents copy latest fashions, so that they are well recognized in society and people change their behaviour towards them. Secondly, no doubt, because of social media such as Facebook, Instagram and twitter people upload their photographs. Undeniably, whenever they are planning to share their new picture on social media they want their outfits and hairstyle look different compared to previous shared photograph. Obviously, they feel on the top of the world whenever friends and family members appreciate their photographs. Again, this gives them some kind of personal satisfaction and happiness. By the contrast, others have the conflicting views. As per them, following latest trends in terms of clothing, hairstyle and look will bring more adverse effects in their life. First and foremost, they think spending on brand clothing is not cheap. Therefore, people lands up spending more than their normal budgets. Because of this, they may have to borrow money from their friends and sometime from the banks as a personal loan to clear their debts. Secondly, it is a normal trend that to change their personal appearance and looks people; nowadays, go for a laser or plastic surgery. This kind of surgery may cause damage to their body parts if surgery is not done properly. There are live examples of film actresses who had suffered a lot in their career because of a single mistake. To recapitulate, by looking at the above facts definitely latest trends uplift the image of an individual. However, one cannot ignore the negative sides of these trends completely. As per my opinion negative benefits outweigh the positive sides.
It is true that lifestyle has undergone a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the past decade.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been fond of the latest fashions, hairstyle and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
particular about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
appearance. While, in my viewpoint, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
that I will try to enunciate below with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a couple of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
influenced by the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
Consequently
, whenever they follow these latest fashions it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life.
Firstly
, youngsters; nowadays, copies their role models,
especially
movie, stars, actors and sports personalities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
and clothing.
Probably
, these adolescents copy
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
fashions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are well recognized in society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards them.
Secondly
, no doubt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social media such as Facebook, Instagram and twitter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
upload their photographs.
Undeniably
, whenever they are planning to share their new picture on social media they want their outfits and hairstyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
compared to previous shared photograph.
Obviously
, they feel on the top of the world whenever friends and family members appreciate their photographs. Again, this gives them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
satisfaction and happiness. By the contrast, others have the conflicting views.

As per them, following latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
in terms of clothing, hairstyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
will bring more adverse effects in their life.
First
and foremost, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
spending on brand clothing is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lands
up spending more than their normal budgets.
Because of this
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
borrow money from their friends and sometime from the banks as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
loan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their debts.
Secondly
, it is a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
appearance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
; nowadays, go for a laser or plastic surgery. This kind of surgery may cause damage to their body parts if surgery is not done
properly
. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
examples of film actresses who had suffered a lot in their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a single mistake.

To recapitulate, by looking at the above facts definitely
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
uplift the image of an individual.
However
, one cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
completely.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per my opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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