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An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
In recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in the change in career and accommodation. While it is argued by many that this phenomenon is beneficial to people due to better and more appealing environment the latter jobs can offer, there still remains some arguments against this issue. Overall, it is my personal view that there are both positive and negative effects. On the upside, when taking on a new job, people may be more motivated. They may feel bored with doing rituals day by day and would like to try in a completely new corporation. Sometimes young employees also fail to gain job satisfaction due to working environment, conflicts with boss and colleagues. The latter occupation, therefore, may be more attractive to them by the affluence and chance of promotion in career path that it offers. Moreover, new jobs always contain challenges that require people to be familiar with. They also stimulate creativity, diligence and self-discipline in employees. In consequence, workers will create more products for the company. There are also many advantages associated with the change of residence which comes along with a career change. It gives people the opportunities to make new friends, enjoy new cultures and experience new climates. In other words, it adds spice to life. On the other hand, when it comes to the disadvantages, the shift in jobs and career costs not only the organization but also the individuals who take it a great deal of time and money. To the corporations, it is a tremendous damage when employees abandon their jobs because of the cost companies must cover in new recruitment and training staffs. It also takes people a long period of time to be familiar with all the tasks. Moreover, the cost of shifting their accommodation to the new areas should be taken into account. By ways of conclusion, that many people change their jobs and place of residence contains benefits as well as drawbacks. I strongly believe that changing careers and place of residence several times during a lifetime may bring some challenges in life but overall it is a more positive development.
In recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and accommodation. While it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that this phenomenon is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to better and more appealing environment the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can offer, there
still
remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments against this issue.
Overall
, it is my personal view that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

On the upside, when taking on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be more motivated. They may feel bored with doing rituals day by day and would like to try in a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
corporation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
young employees
also
fail to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction due to working environment, conflicts with boss and colleagues. The latter occupation,
therefore
, may be more attractive to them by the affluence and chance of promotion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path that it offers.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
always contain challenges that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be familiar with. They
also
stimulate creativity, diligence and self-discipline in employees. In consequence, workers will create more products for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of residence which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. It gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends, enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
climates.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
spice to life.

On the other hand
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the disadvantages, the shift in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
costs not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the individuals who take it a great deal of time and money. To the corporations, it is a tremendous damage when employees abandon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cover in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
recruitment and training staffs. It
also
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a long period of time to be familiar with all the tasks.
Moreover
, the cost of shifting their accommodation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
areas should
be taken
into account.

By ways of conclusion, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and place of residence contains benefits
as well
as drawbacks. I
strongly
believe that changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
and place of residence several times during a lifetime may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
overall
it is a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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