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7. Tobacco, mainly in form of cigarettes, is one of the most-widely used drugs in the world. Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco every day. The long term health costs are high - for smokers themselves, and for the wider community in terms of health v.1

7. Tobacco, mainly in form of cigarettes, is one of the most-widely used drugs in the world. Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco every day. The long term health costs are high - for smokers themselves, and for the wider community in terms of health v. 1
Over the years the value of items in person's life has been changing. A decade ago people believed in restoring the broken things and would keep them for generations, whereas, now millennials would rather give the damaged thing away than having it repaired. In this essay, I will explore the reason of this change and effects it is causing. This change in the behaviour has happened because we have access to everything in abundance. Earlier the items were expensive and rare, to purchase a single thing like a washing machine or TV people use to wait for the yearly discounts or for a particular brand. In today's time, thanks to digitalised shopping we have access to all the brands online to a yearly discount. For instance, in the Amazon we get a washing machine in exchange of the old one with huge discounts. As a result, people have stopped spending their time and energy maintaining things which get damaged, they would rather have it exchange and buy a new one. The possible effects which this approach has caused is the closing of servicing business and increase in scrap material which possibly lead to more pollution. In a last decade, repairing people was considered as some magicians, and were respected for their job, however, now their popularity is declining because of the change in attitude. Secondly, the scrap material has been booming, many air conditioning, TV and washing machine are sold as scrap, and to melt these items too much burning energy is required and therefore, air pollution has increased. In conclusion, repairing the damage item has become an obsolete trend, people believe in getting the items replaced then getting it repaired this is because pocket friendly items with easy exchanges, this trend has effected the repairing industry and increased pollution caused by melting scraps.
Over the years the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in person's life has been changing. A decade ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed in restoring the broken things and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them for generations, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
millennials would
rather
give the damaged thing away than having it repaired. In this essay, I will explore the reason of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and effects it is causing.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have access to everything in abundance. Earlier the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
were expensive and rare, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a single thing like a washing machine or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to wait for the yearly discounts or for a particular brand. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time, thanks to
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
shopping we have access to all the brands online to a yearly discount.
For instance
, in the Amazon we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a washing machine
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one with huge discounts.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
spending their time and energy maintaining things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
damaged, they would
rather
have it exchange and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new one.

The possible effects which this approach has caused is the closing of servicing business and increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scrap
material which
possibly
lead to more pollution. In a last decade, repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
magicians, and
were respected
for their job,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
their popularity is declining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in attitude.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scrap
material has been booming,
Possible agreement error. The noun conditioning seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much air conditioning", "a good deal of air conditioning".
many air conditioning
, TV and washing machine
are sold
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scrap
, and to melt these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
too much burning energy
is required
and
therefore
, air pollution has increased.

In conclusion
, repairing the damage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
has become an obsolete trend,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
replaced then getting it repaired this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pocket friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
with easy exchanges, this trend has effected the repairing industry and increased pollution caused by melting scraps.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 7. Tobacco, mainly in form of cigarettes, is one of the most-widely used drugs in the world. Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco every day. The long term health costs are high - for smokers themselves, and for the wider community in terms of health v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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