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Smoking cigarette is determinental? Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Smoking cigarette is determinental? v. 1
Over the last four decades, it is conclusively proven that smoking is injurious. Most researchers have linked cigarettes to health problems and I completely agree with the findings. This essay will explain my position with supporting arguments. Since 1970s, smoking cigarette has shown to cause many terminal health problems. For example, research shows inhaling smoke leads to cancer for lung, mouth, and throat. 83% of smoking related issues lead to death. While some people think it is only a problem for smokers themselves, but in reality it also affects anyone in their surrounding known as "Passive Smoking". To solve this problem, the government banned all products with tobacco and its consumption for anyone below 21 years of age. As a result, overall well-being of young adults has improved. Smoking cigarette is also causing birth defects. Mothers who smoke while pregnant could lead to children being born with disabilities such as deformed brain. Doctors and medical institutes continue to discourage expected mothers to stop smoking. I believe a law should be enacted to ban all future mothers to ban smoking to protect the lives of unborn children. Therefore, creating a healthier and happier society for generations to come. In conclusion, all of the data shows that smoking leads to detrimental effects society at a large. In my opinion, smoking cigarettes leads to cancer for not only an individual, but also for public health care system and society as a whole. Any steps that can be taken to reduce smoking should be considered.
Over the last four decades, it is
conclusively
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is injurious. Most researchers have linked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the findings. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my position with supporting arguments.

Since 1970s,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
has shown to cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terminal health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
inhaling smoke leads to cancer for lung, mouth, and throat. 83% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
related issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to death. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for smokers themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality it
also
affects anyone in their surrounding known as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Passive Smoking
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. To solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned all products with tobacco and its consumption for anyone below 21 years of age.
As a result
,
overall
well-being of young adults has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

Smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
is
also
causing birth defects. Mothers who smoke while pregnant could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to children
being born
with disabilities such as deformed brain. Doctors and medical institutes continue to discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
mothers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. I believe a law should
be enacted
to ban all future mothers to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to protect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of unborn children.
Therefore
, creating a healthier and happier society for generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

In conclusion
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
leads to detrimental effects society at a large. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
leads to cancer for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for public health care system and society as a whole. Any steps that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be considered
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking cigarette is determinental? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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