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In many countries people are living in a throw away society where things are used for a short time and throw away. what are the causes of this and what problems does it lead to v.1

In many countries people are living in a throw away society where things are used for a short time and throw away. what are the causes of this and what problems does it lead to v. 1
These days, modern people are willing to use things for a short time and throw away. In this reason, many manufacturers are keen to produce disposable materials such as plastic bottles, paper boxes and packages. However, this trend can lead to environmental pollution. Consequently, the whole humankind can suffer from the tendencies such as climate change, global warming and melting ice. On the one hand, it is true that the main reason for this problem is the lack of information about its consequences to the surrounding world. That is to say, manufacturers often do not provide the customers with the information about possible outcomes of the products for the outside world. Furthermore, many buyers tend to purchase such kinds of things because they cannot afford the item, which is made from the recycled material. Due to the high cost of the alternative products and cheap cost of the disposable items, the people often choose the second option. On the other hand, it is clear that this kind of consumer behaviour can lead to serious problems, and each person would be a guilty for the environmental pollution. To illustrate, due to plastic bottles in the oceans, marine ecology is damaged. Many species of fishes and birds become extinct because of the waste on the surface of the ocean. Furthermore, due to packages, many animals are dying. For example, birds eat them during the winter seasons, when the shortage of food occurred. Consequently, their digestive system cannot digest these pieces of packages, and they are dying. In conclusion, although many people believe that these behaviours are not dangerous for the surrounding world, they can create many serious problems. In this regard, many people believe that the citizens should be aware of the results of their actions, and they should try to conserve the planet.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
things for a short time and throw away. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manufacturers are keen to produce disposable materials such as plastic bottles, paper boxes and packages.
However
, this trend can lead to environmental pollution.
Consequently
, the whole humankind can suffer from the tendencies such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, global warming and melting ice.

On the one hand, it is true that the main reason for this problem is the lack of information about its
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
the surrounding world.
That is
to say, manufacturers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not provide the customers with the information about possible outcomes of the products for the outside world.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
buyers tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
such kinds of things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford the item, which
is made
from the recycled material. Due to the high cost of the alternative products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
cost of the disposable items, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose the second option.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that this kind of consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can lead to serious problems, and each person would be a
The usual collocation for "guilty" is "of" not "for". Did you mean "guilty of"?
guilty for
the environmental pollution. To illustrate, due to plastic bottles in the oceans, marine ecology
is damaged
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
species of fishes and birds become extinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the waste on the surface of the ocean.
Furthermore
, due to packages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animals are dying.
For example
, birds eat them during the winter seasons, when the shortage of food occurred.
Consequently
, their digestive system cannot digest these pieces of packages, and they are dying.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the surrounding world, they can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious problems. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the citizens should be aware of the results of their actions, and they should try to conserve the planet.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people are living in a throw away society where things are used for a short time and throw away. what are the causes of this and what problems does it lead to v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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