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Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v.7

Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 7
A celebrity works hard to get the attention of the public and once s/he becomes famous, s/he constantly tries to avoid the attention. Being a celebrity is certainly not a piece of cake. They get all the attention of the world at the price of personal space. It is a debatable topic whether being a famous personality is a blessing or a punishment. Firstly, let us look at the negative side of being a celebrity. As the majority of the world follows the film starts or the sports persons, few of them are crazy about the celebrity. For instance, in the headlines of few newspapers, we keep reading about the fans who write a letter by their blood. I am certain that no one would like to receive such letters, constant annoying calls or being stalked by strangers. These all scary things come with the tag celebrity. Moreover being a celebrity is not an easy job. The film starts and sportsman has to continuously perform well otherwise same fans would harm them. For example, when the Indian cricket team did not perform well in one of the matches, their fans broke the cricketers’ houses. There are always two sides of the coin. Everybody wants to be a special person. Many people dream to become a celebrity so I am confident that the celebrity status must be giving a lot of advantages. One of the biggest benefits is the money. Celebrities make a lot of money compared to other people. It is known that a supermodel earns more than a school teacher. Moreover, anyone can become a celebrity. For instance, no academic degree is required to become a film star or a sportsperson. Sometimes, the film stars get a chance to shoot in foreign countries or play in different locations. So it’s a great combination of holidays and work. The kind of glamour and publicity received by them is hard to imagine for a common man. I believe that being the role model for someone is the biggest achievement of a human life and being a celebrity gives a chance to be one.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the attention of the public and once s/he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, s/he
constantly
tries to avoid the attention. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is
certainly
not a piece of cake. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the attention of the world at the price of personal space. It is a debatable topic whether being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality is a blessing or a punishment.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. As the majority of the world follows the film
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
or the sports persons, few of them are crazy about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
For instance
, in the headlines of few newspapers, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
reading about the fans who write a letter by their blood. I am certain that no one would like to receive such letters, constant annoying calls or
being stalked
by strangers. These all scary things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with the tag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is not an easy job. The film
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
and sportsman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
continuously
perform well
otherwise
same fans would harm them.
For example
, when the Indian cricket team did not perform well in one of the matches, their fans broke the cricketers’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

There are always two sides of the coin. Everybody wants to be a special person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dream to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am confident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
status
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages. One of the biggest benefits is the money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money compared to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It
is known
that a supermodel earns more than a school teacher.
Moreover
, anyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
For instance
, no academic degree
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a film star or a sportsperson.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the film stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to shoot in foreign countries or play in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it’s a great combination of holidays and work. The kind of glamour and publicity received by them is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine for a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

I believe that being the role model for someone is the biggest achievement of a human life and being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
gives a chance to be one.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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