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Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v.2

Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v. 2
Smoking is such a bad habit that it affects the working efficiency and health of the workers and smoking in the office premises brings potential harms to colleges’ health and emotional well-being. Positive solutions should be taken to tackle this worrying trend. I believe that employees should not be allowed to smoke inside the building as all of their colleges will be the passive smokers in this circumstance. It should not be allowed in the first place as the non-smoking workers and employees’ health will be badly influenced by such working environment. In particular, this behaviour will be harmful to female workers who are pregnant and their unborn babies would be greatly harmed. Working environment should be smoking-free area and those who want to have a smoke break should be in the right place. Employees are paid refer to their actual working hours in most industrialised areas. If a worker who smokes and takes frequent breaks during working hours should be either salary-deducted or should work extra hours to compensate the time s/he spends for smoking. It is fair enough because there is a saying that how much you will be paid depends on how much you work. I can understand that many argue that it would be unfair because smokers have to spend a long time walking to smoking areas. It could be solved by construing a smoking room for those certain group of workers on every floor so that it reduces their time in travelling if necessary. However, on the other hand, employees should be encouraged to quit smoking for health reasons by providing a professional course for them. If they could stop this unhealthy habit, the company is no longer necessary to worry about the fairness of walking time of smoking break and building an extra room for them to smoke. In conclusion, smokers should pay for themselves if they hope to smoke in the working and employers have the responsibility to provide staff welfare for them to help to form a good working or living habit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit that it affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
efficiency and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the office premises brings potential harms to colleges’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and emotional well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Positive
solutions should
be taken
to tackle this worrying trend.

I believe that employees should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
inside the building as all of their colleges will be the passive smokers in this circumstance. It should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in the
first
place as the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will be
badly
influenced by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment.
In particular
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will be harmful to female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who are pregnant and their unborn babies would be
greatly
harmed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
environment should be smoking-free area and those who want to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
break should be in the right place.

Employees
are paid
refer to their actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours in most
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
areas. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
and takes frequent breaks during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours should be either salary-deducted or should work extra hours to compensate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
s/he spends for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a saying that how much you will
be paid
depends on how much you work.

I can understand that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that it would be unfair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
walking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
areas. It could
be solved
by construing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
room for those certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
on every floor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in travelling if necessary.
However
,
on the other hand
, employees should
be encouraged
to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
reasons by providing a professional course for them. If they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this unhealthy habit, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is no longer necessary to worry about the fairness of walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
break and building an extra room for them to smoke.

In conclusion
, smokers should pay for themselves if they hope to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and employers have the responsibility to provide staff welfare for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to form a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or living habit.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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