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Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v.1

Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v. 1
Human nature is open to a variety of addictions such as alcohol and smoking. Some of these addictions affect working quality and as a result of this, alcohol is banned from workplaces. On the other hand, because of smoking doesn't affect working, employees are allowed to use it during their shift. But, during last two decades government approved a new bill which forbids smoking inside buildings and as a result of this, people who would like to smoke cigarettes should leave the building first. This essay is going to examine which solutions could be used to close time gap for required to leave the building. First of all, using the same amount of breaks is right of each employee. It should be calculated somehow. For instance, employers should give break time counter to each employee and inform them that if they will go outside, a counter will calculate total time spent outside. If an employee works without breaks, he or she should receive incentives such as bonus or company internal usage points Secondly, employers might reorganise employees desk near to exist to prevent wasted times during walking out of the building. Furthermore, companies might add a balcony on each floor in order to create smoking zones. This idea might be useful for employees, but I this solution might create massive expenses during construction. Moreover, some companies like "Google" allow their employees to work without defined desks and this gives mobility to employees. This might be a solution without spending any to avoid wasted times for smokers. Lastly, there might be a program to deter employees from smoking while giving them chance to smoke during work hours. For instance, employees who joined the program quits smoking, completes the program successfully and they receive incentives such as bonus cash or company points. This solution has benefits to each side and it could be used for the betterment of life and working standard. In conclusion, there are a variety of solutions to avoid the smoking issue and both sides should try their best to fix it before it became pandemic.
Human nature is open to a variety of addictions such as alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these addictions affect working quality and
as a result
of this, alcohol
is banned
from workplaces.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
doesn't affect working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it during their shift.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, during last two decades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
approved a new bill which forbids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
inside buildings and
as a result
of this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who would like to smoke cigarettes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the building
first
. This essay is going to examine which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gap for required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the building.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, using the same amount of breaks is right of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. It should
be calculated
somehow.
For instance
, employers should give break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
counter to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and inform them that if they will go outside, a counter will calculate total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent outside. If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
works without breaks, he or she should receive incentives such as bonus or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
internal usage
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
points


Secondly
, employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
Possible spelling mistake. 'reorganise' is British English.
reorganise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
desk near to exist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
during walking out of the building.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a balcony on each floor in order to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
zones. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
create massive expenses during construction.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Google
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work without defined desks and this gives mobility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
without spending any to avoid wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for smokers.
Lastly
, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a program to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
while giving them chance to smoke during work hours.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the program quits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, completes the program
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
successfully and
they receive incentives such as bonus cash or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
points. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
has benefits to each side and it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the betterment of life and working standard.

In conclusion
, there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
issue and both sides should try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it became pandemic.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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