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Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. v. 6
The government's decision to increase the paid maternity leave from 18 to 26 weeks has triggered multiple debates. Many believe that small businesses should not hire young women as paying for maternity leave will turn out to be expensive. However, I, strongly, disagree with this view. If a company hires young ladies, they need to grant paid maternity leave for the 26 weeks to the female employee. To manage work for this long duration, they often need to recruit and train someone else. Therefore, companies end up paying double the amount. Startups usually face a crunch on monetary terms and hence, are reluctant to pay off this amount. Another drawback they consider is that when a female employee comes back, she often needs time to adjust to the changes that happened in the company and would take more days off to care for the child. For instance, the project on which she was working, could now have advanced and she would need time to know all the changes in the project after which only she will be able to contribute to the business. The above view is too critical and does not consider the advantages a woman can bring in, to the organization. Leaving out young ladies from the recruitment process means a company is losing out on the 50% of the talent which could be more expensive for startups as they need talented people to grow and earn a name in the market. A survey by economic times has shown that female employees tend to be more helpful for the organization in the times of need which includes staying late in the office for the work. Multiple studies have also shown that women prove to be much more successful in some roles such as managers etc. Also, it is immoral and unlawful for any organization to deny the right of equality to girls. To conclude, denying job opportunities to women because of gender is a denial of the fundamental right to equality. Small businesses who think that they will lose out money by paying maternity leave to young ladies need to see both sides of the coin which means they need to consider the benefits a woman worker brings in.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's decision to increase the paid maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
from 18 to 26 weeks has triggered multiple debates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses should not hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
women as paying for maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
will turn out to be expensive.
However
, I,
strongly
, disagree with this view.

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
hires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ladies, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to grant paid maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
for the 26 weeks to the female employee. To manage work for this long duration, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to recruit and train someone else.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up paying double the amount. Startups
usually
face a crunch on monetary terms and
hence
, are reluctant to pay off this amount. Another drawback they consider is that when a female employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to adjust to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that happened in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and would take more days off to care for the child.
For instance
, the project on which she was working, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advanced and
she would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to know all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the project after which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
she will be able to contribute to the business.

The above view is too critical and does not consider the advantages a woman can bring in, to the organization. Leaving out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ladies from the recruitment process means a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is losing out on the 50% of the talent which could be more expensive for startups as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to grow and earn a name in the market. A survey by economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
has shown that female employees tend to be more helpful for the organization in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
which includes staying late in the office for the work. Multiple studies have
also
shown that women prove to be much more successful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
roles such as managers etc.
Also
, it is immoral and unlawful for any organization to deny the right of equality to girls.

To conclude
, denying job opportunities to women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender is a denial of the fundamental right to equality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
businesses who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will lose out money by paying maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ladies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both sides of the coin which means they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to consider the benefits a woman worker brings in.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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