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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. v. 3
Recently, some people argued that watching television and playing video games are not beneficial to younger generations' mental well being. I completely agree with this claim, as these activities promote violence and can deliver a message that are not suitable to young audiences. To begin with, the advent of televisions and vast options of channel to watch, are not helping children to achieve optimal mental health. This activity is readily available with a single click in the remote control, which is very detrimental to younger viewers without parental guidance. In other words, youngsters can access the wide array of tv channel which can have scenes that are not promoting good manners and proper conduct that later on they can adapt. Although there is a regulating body, who is responsible in scrutinizing the episodes that can be watched, we can never assure that all scenes promote a healthy mentality such as adultery and crimes. In addition, playing video games is not suited for children as this exposes them to violence and aggression. The available games, like for example, Contra and Street Fighter are being inspired by battle and power that promotes the principle of 'survival of the fittest" and the weakest link will be perish. This kind of mentality is dangerous to young generations as they can adapt this and apply to their everyday life. In effect, children can be aggressive in the future and will loss the spirit of camaraderie, and always aiming to be the best at the expense of others. In conclusion, I totally believe that watching a lot of tv and playing video games are not healthy to child's mental health because this can promote violence and delinquency that can be acquired later on in their lives.
Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that watching television and playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not beneficial to younger generations' mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim, as these activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
violence and can deliver a message that are not suitable to young audiences.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the advent of televisions and vast options of channel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, are not helping children to achieve optimal mental health. This activity is
readily
available with a single click in the remote control, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental to younger viewers without parental guidance.
In other words
, youngsters can access the wide array of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
channel which can have scenes that are not promoting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners and proper conduct that later on they can adapt. Although there is a regulating body, who is responsible in scrutinizing the episodes that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
, we can never assure that all scenes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
a healthy mentality such as adultery and crimes.

In addition
, playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not suited for children as this exposes them to violence and aggression. The available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, like
for example
, Contra and Street Fighter are
being inspired
by battle and power that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promotes
the principle of 'survival of the fittest
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and the weakest link will be
Consider using the past participle "perished"?
perish
. This kind of mentality is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to young generations as they can adapt this and apply to their everyday life. In effect, children can be aggressive in the future and will loss the spirit of camaraderie, and always aiming to be the best at the expense of others.

In conclusion
, I
totally
believe that watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not healthy to child's mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
violence and delinquency that can
be acquired
later on in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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