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Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. v. 4
There are many criteria to be considered for the recruitment process, some of which is the gender and age of the candidate. Some argue that recruiters from the small firm should avoid a girl without child or prospective mother to decrease cost on the maternity leaves, while I believe they should hire an equal number of applicants from each group of age and gender. There are some bases of the view for not hiring a girl or a lady without a child. Firstly, when they go on a long leave, they need to be paid without any work which could not be feasible for a corporation with a limited workforce. For example, it would definitely hamper the business if one goes on leave from 6 employees. Secondly, after having a child, her efficiency would be adversely affected owing to the dual responsibilities of the child and the family. For instance, she may take further leaves for the regular check-up of her infant or could not extend the working hours. Thus, such leaves would certainly affect the small company. However, it seems to me that the benefits of hiring a young generation could alleviate these harms on the trade. Firstly, the salary of a fresher is far less than the highly experienced professionals, so hiring novice could diminish the cost of human resources. For example, two apprentices could be hired instead of one expert. Secondly, research has shown that recently passed out graduates could brainstorm better ideas than the experienced one. For instance, recently passed out computer engineers have much more knowledge of newer technologies; specifically, young girls possess higher ambitions regarding her career and job. To conclude, I believe that that the hirer should not consider the cost of maternity leave for long-run business rather than short term benefits. Young girls who constitute more than fifty per cent of the skilled workers could contribute to the success of the small enterprise by providing new ideas and insights which are essential for a newly established enterprise.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criteria to
be considered
for the recruitment process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which is the gender and age of the candidate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that recruiters from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
firm should avoid a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
or prospective mother to decrease cost on the maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, while I believe they should hire an equal number of applicants from each group of age and gender.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bases of the view for not hiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
or a lady without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Firstly
, when they go on a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, they need to
be paid
without any work which could not be feasible for a corporation with a limited workforce.
For example
, it would definitely hamper the business if one goes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
from 6 employees.
Secondly
, after having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, her efficiency would be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
owing to the dual responsibilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and the family.
For instance
, she may take
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
for the regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up of her infant or could not extend the working hours.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
would
certainly
affect the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

However
, it seems to me that the benefits of hiring a young generation could alleviate these harms on the trade.
Firstly
, the salary of a fresher is far less than the
highly
experienced professionals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hiring novice could diminish the cost of human resources.
For example
, two apprentices could
be hired
instead
of one expert.
Secondly
, research has shown that recently passed out graduates could brainstorm better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
than the experienced one.
For instance
, recently passed out computer engineers have much more knowledge of newer technologies;
specifically
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
possess higher ambitions regarding her career and job.

To conclude
, I believe
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hirer
should not consider the cost of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
for long-run business
rather
than short term benefits. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who constitute more than fifty per cent of the skilled workers could contribute to the success of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
enterprise by providing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and insights which are essential for a
newly
established enterprise.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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