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Smacking children is the best form of discipline. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Smacking children is the best form of discipline. v. 5
Some people believe that corporal punishment works better for children. These people claim that physical punishment is the most efficient way to teach discipline to youngsters. This essay will argue why beating children is never the right way to instil discipline in them. A few parents are overly concerned about disciplining their children. They insist that smacking will develop fear in the mind of the children and help them to keep them under control. However, this argument does not much water. Smacking might help in the short turn, but parents who regularly beat their children will eventually lose their support. Hence the idea that smacking is extremely important for discipline is completely preposterous. Smacking children directly affects their brain and in the long run makes them rebellious. Furthermore, instead of forcing discipline on them, parents should teach it in a polite way. Studies have also shown that children who learn discipline on their own are less likely to waver from the right path even when they are tempted to do so. By contrast, those who learned discipline for fear of punishment will willingly choose the right path if they get a chance. Overall, the idea that smacking children is vital is ill-informed and dangerous in itself and could potentially lead to a far worse outcome for the society. In conclusion, this essay argued that people who are in favour of spanking punishment have a flawed understanding of punishment and they are wrongly linking it to discipline. In my opinion, smacking a child the name of discipline is completely unacceptable. There are various other ways to teach discipline to youth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
works better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the most efficient way to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
to youngsters. This essay will argue why beating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is never the right way to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in them.

A few parents are
overly
concerned about disciplining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They insist that smacking will develop fear in the mind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them under control.
However
, this argument does not much water. Smacking might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the short turn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
regularly
beat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
eventually
lose their support.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that smacking is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is completely preposterous.

Smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
directly
affects their brain and in the long run
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them rebellious.
Furthermore
,
instead
of forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
on them, parents should teach it
Consider replacing "in a polite way" with the adverb for "polite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a polite way
. Studies have
also
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
are less likely to waver from the right path even when they
are tempted
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. By contrast, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
for fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
will
willingly
choose the right path if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance.
Overall
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is vital is ill-informed and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in itself and could
potentially
lead to a far worse outcome for the society.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of spanking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
have a flawed understanding of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
punishment and
they are
wrongly
linking it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. In my opinion, smacking a child the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is completely unacceptable. There are various other ways to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
to youth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Smacking children is the best form of discipline. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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