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Single young people in many countries leave their parents for study and job and live somewhere else. Does this trend have more advantages than disadvantages? v.1

Single young people in many countries leave their parents for study and job and live somewhere else. Does this trend have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1
Leaving home to study or work is an increasing trend today especially among youngsters. Some people feel that staying outside the home premises until marriage has more advantages, while others have obstacles about it. This essay examines the pros and cones of this issue. On the one hand, there are some grounds for opposing this trend. Firstly, when people stay away from the family, there may be a chance of reduced control or supervision by the parents. As days passes, communication with parents declines and ends up in life like a free bird in this modern world. In fact, youngsters are more gullible and easy prey to crimes and its colourful temptations. Hence, this kind of activities, as well as independent life away from parents, paves the way to spoil their life. Moreover, this trend needs more financial support for accommodation and food. Since educational and occupational opportunities are more in cities, the cost of living in those areas also will be more. Thus, it can be a financial burden, especially for students. On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the advantages of independent life away from home. Firstly, people get an exposure when they leave their native town or country. To make it more clear, they get more opportunities for study as well as work, as a result it can be stepping stone for their education and career. Moreover, it provides chances to mingle with others from different countries following various cultures, religions, customs etc. Hence, we can understand the cultural and religious practices of several places and can absorb the goods as well. Finally a feeling of team spirit and religious harmony forms among them, as a result, they learn to work in a group or how to be in a society or public. In addition, it helps people to become independent, responsible and self-reliant. Thus helps in the overall development of personality. However, they learn how to live in this modern world in right path. To conclude, when we analyse both points, it is clearly evident that staying away from home until their marriage has more merits than demerits. We should exercise our prudence and discernment during those periods thus one can avoid the pitfalls.
Leaving home to study or work is an increasing trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
especially
among youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that staying outside the home premises until marriage has more advantages, while others have obstacles about it. This essay examines the pros and cones of this issue.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grounds for opposing this trend.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the family, there may be a chance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
control or supervision by the parents. As days passes, communication with parents declines and ends up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like a free bird in this modern world. In fact, youngsters are more gullible and easy prey to crimes and its
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
temptations.
Hence
, this kind of activities,
as well
as independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from parents, paves the way to spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, this trend needs more financial support for accommodation and food. Since educational and occupational opportunities are more in cities, the cost of living in those areas
also
will be more.
Thus
, it can be a financial burden,
especially
for students.

On the other hand
, it is
fairly
easy to understand the advantages of independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an exposure when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their native town or country. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities for study
as well
as work,
as a result
it can be stepping stone for their education and career.
Moreover
, it provides chances to mingle with others from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries following various cultures, religions, customs etc.
Hence
, we can understand the cultural and religious practices of several places and can absorb the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as well
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
a feeling of team spirit and religious harmony forms among them,
as a result
, they learn to work in a group or how to be in a society or public.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become independent, responsible and self-reliant.
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the
overall
development of personality.
However
, they learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this modern world in right path.

To conclude
, when we
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both points, it is
clearly
evident that staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home until their marriage has more merits than demerits. We should exercise our prudence and discernment during those periods
thus
one can avoid the pitfalls.
25Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Single young people in many countries leave their parents for study and job and live somewhere else. Does this trend have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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