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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.1

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1
It is common nowadays for the young generation nowadays to leave their families before marriage in order to pursue higher education or their career. I would like to argue that the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks when adolescents have to live on their own. One of the difficulties they might encounter is homesickness, which sometimes discourages them from carrying on their work duties or studying. Similarly, the parents who are left behind may feel abandoned and lonely. In addition, without the supervision, care and guidance of family members, young people are more likely to form bad habits such as excessive drinking of alcohol or living beyond their means. On the other hand, leaving home before getting married is beneficial for financial as well as personal growth. First, young people can learn the value of money by earning and spending on their own and dealing with financial problems. Second, staying far away from parents will potentially enhance youngsters’ independence and responsibility. When being given the opportunity to explore the world and get valuable experience of life, they are required to make their own decisions. As a result, this promotes their maturity and helps them be ready to start their future married life with greater maturity. Furthermore, the isolation of individuals from home also provides young people with better social skills because they will have to build more relationships if they want to survive successfully in a new environment. In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of leaving home for education or working purposes outweigh the negative aspects.
It is common nowadays for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation nowadays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
marriage in order to pursue higher education or their career. I would like to argue that the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks when adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. One of the difficulties they might encounter is homesickness, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
discourages them from carrying on their work duties or studying.
Similarly
, the parents who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind may feel abandoned and lonely.
In addition
, without the supervision, care and guidance of family members,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as excessive drinking of alcohol or living beyond their means.

On the other hand
, leaving home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting married is beneficial for financial
as well
as personal growth.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn the value of money by earning and spending on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and dealing with financial problems. Second, staying far away from parents will
potentially
enhance youngsters’ independence and responsibility. When being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to explore the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable experience of life, they
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
As a result
, this promotes their maturity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their future married life with greater maturity.
Furthermore
, the isolation of individuals from home
also
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with better social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
build more relationships if they want to survive
successfully
in a new environment.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the benefits of leaving home for education or working purposes outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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