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Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.3

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 3
The population explosion in bigger cities in different parts of the world is a pressing issue. There appear to be three major causes of this, and several possible solutions, as we will explain here. Firstly, there is an increasing rate of migration from rural, backwater areas to bigger cities, for better opportunities. Due to lack of employment opportunities and amenities in countrysides, people are compelled to migrate to urban centres. Secondly, there are few colleges, universities or educational institutions in villages, meaning people have to shift to cities that offer such facilities. Finally, health facilities, better job prospects, and developed infrastructure allures people to settle in urban centres. Unfortunately, the rapidly growing population in major cities around the world has created various problems, which need to be addressed. To deter the migration from countrysides to cities, better infrastructures and facilities should be for village dwellers. Improving hospitals, educational institutions and job opportunities in rural areas by establishing modern hospitals, universities, and companies can ameliorate overcrowding in urbanised areas. Added to that, people should be made aware of health benefits of living country-life. Furthermore, helping farmers to increase their agricultural productivity by providing improved seeds, irrigation facilities, and helping their product to sell in the market to earn the maximum profit will increase their income level. This will aid them to come out of poverty, and enjoy a quality life. In conclusion, the unmanaged booming population in urban areas is creating huge pollution and problems to city dwellers. To resolve this problem private sectors and the government should coordinate to open up new companies in villages, to provide employment, and develop infrastructures to improve the livelihood of the rural population.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
explosion in bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world is a pressing issue. There appear to be three major causes of this, and several possible solutions, as we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
here.

Firstly
, there is an increasing rate of migration from rural, backwater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, for better opportunities. Due to lack of employment opportunities and amenities in countrysides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are compelled
to migrate to urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Secondly
, there are few colleges, universities or educational institutions in villages, meaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shift to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that offer such facilities.
Finally
, health facilities, better job prospects, and developed infrastructure allures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to settle in urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Unfortunately, the
rapidly
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world has created various problems, which need to
be addressed
. To deter the migration from countrysides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, better infrastructures and facilities should be for village dwellers. Improving hospitals, educational institutions and job opportunities in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
by establishing modern hospitals, universities, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can ameliorate overcrowding in
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanised' is British English.
urbanised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be made
aware of health benefits of living country-life.
Furthermore
, helping farmers to increase their agricultural productivity by providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
seeds, irrigation facilities, and helping their product to sell in the market to earn the maximum profit will increase their income level. This will aid them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of poverty, and enjoy a quality life.

In conclusion
, the unmanaged booming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is creating huge pollution and problems to city dwellers. To resolve this problem private sectors and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should coordinate to open up new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in villages, to provide employment, and develop infrastructures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the livelihood of the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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