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In many countries nowadays young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages and disadvantages? v.2

In many countries nowadays young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages and disadvantages? v. 2
Recently, due to the appreciation and support of the government as well as the society, sports has become a career option. Nowadays, people focus on sports not as only a hobby, but also as an employment option. However, to get to play at a high level everyone has to think about the technicality of sport. In this process some people give importance to physical toughness while the other considers mental courage as a vital aspect. To become a successful sportsman it is crucial to have both of the abilities, but which is the more important ability? To get to the most appropriate answer discussion is necessary. The explanation of both the views and my own opinion is discussed further. Firstly, it is Crystel clear that both of the strengths are important, without one of them it is impossible to be optimistic. However, physical toughness is something which is not necessary in every sport. For instance, Chess, it is the game where you don't need to be physically extra strong. Whereas, mental abilities are the Must. If there is no mental stability, then it does not matter which game you are playing your defeat is inevitable. And winning is something which gives you the right to be called successful. For example, the Brazzilian shooter and Olympic gold medallist, who lost his right hand in an accident and then started doing the practice of shooting through the left hand. After three years he got selected for the Olympics and again won the gold medal. This is the example which vividly shows that if you want to do something, your inner power is more important than your body. In contrast, your carcass structure is also a necessary element. Without the support of your body you cannot do anything. For example, Dr. Stephen Hawking, the great scientist of our time was physically unable to do anything. If he had the ability like others, he had found more revolutionary facts. Your carcass support is necessary in anything you do, if it is sport or science. To conclude, the physical abilities are necessary, but undoubtedly mental abilities are more important. Since, stable mind can do anything with or without the body, it is definitely true that in order to be a successful sportsman, mental strength is more vital than physical strength.
Recently, due to the appreciation and support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as the society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has become a career option. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a hobby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as an employment option.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to play at a high level everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the technicality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. In this process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
toughness while the other considers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
courage as a vital aspect. To become a successful sportsman it is crucial to have both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
which is the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
? To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the most appropriate answer discussion is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
. The explanation of both the views and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion
is discussed
further
.

Firstly
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Crystel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both of the strengths are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, without one of them it is impossible to be optimistic.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
toughness is something which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For instance
, Chess, it is the game where you don't need to be
physically
extra strong. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
are the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Must
. If there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
stability, then it does not matter which game you are playing your defeat is inevitable. And winning is something which gives you the right to
be called
successful.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brazzilian
shooter and Olympic gold
Possible spelling mistake. 'medallist' is British English.
medallist
, who lost his right hand in an accident and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing the practice of shooting through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
hand. After three years he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
selected for the Olympics and again won the gold medal. This is the example which
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that if you want to do something, your inner power is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than your body.

In contrast
, your carcass structure is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
element. Without the support of your body you cannot do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
.
For example
, Dr. Stephen Hawking, the great scientist of our time was
physically
unable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
. If he had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
like others, he had found more revolutionary facts. Your carcass support is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
you do, if it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or science.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Since, stable mind can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
with or without the body, it is definitely true that in order to be a successful sportsman,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
strength is more vital than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages and disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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