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Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 2
People have different views on how young citizens should plan their future. Although, some assert that they should follow the older generation’s path, others argue stating that, the youngsters should be encouraged to think independently. In this essay, I will examine both the perspectives and state my opinion. A majority of people believe that the knowledge and prudence of the elder people are more trustworthy. The wisdom, experience and judgement of the older generation could be advantageous to the youth of today. Moreover, older people have insights into a problem which would have not been considered otherwise. For example, the homemade remedies for skin or cold that we are using today, were created by our ancestors a long time ago. In some ways, following the old generation’s path proves to be very advantageous. Nevertheless, though they respect their elders, most young people think that their opinions are outdated and their wisdom is not relevant to the modern era of science and technology. Furthermore, many elders are against the idea of homosexuality and equal rights, which are not applicable in the modern world. For instance, my grandfather still thinks that women belong in the kitchen and not in corporate offices. Considering this, we may have to argue that challenging the old ways of life and beliefs, is somewhat essential. In conclusion, youngsters should consult their elders when taking various decisions in life, as they may have a different approach which makes everyone’s life easier. However, I believe that, there are certain choices that the younger generation should make without relying on their elders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on how young citizens should plan their future. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that they should follow the older generation’s path, others argue stating that, the youngsters should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
. In this essay, I will examine both the perspectives and state my opinion.

A majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the knowledge and prudence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more trustworthy. The wisdom, experience and judgement of the older generation could be advantageous to the youth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Moreover
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have insights into a problem which would have not
been considered
otherwise
.
For example
, the homemade remedies for skin or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
that we are using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
were created
by our ancestors a long time ago. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, following the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation’s path proves to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous.

Nevertheless
, though they respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
, most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their opinions
are outdated
and their wisdom is not relevant to the modern era of science and technology.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
are against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of homosexuality and equal rights, which are not applicable in the modern world.
For instance
, my grandfather
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that women belong in the kitchen and not in corporate offices. Considering this, we may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
argue that challenging the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways of life and beliefs, is somewhat essential.

In conclusion
, youngsters should consult their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
when taking various decisions in life, as they may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everyone’s life easier.
However
, I believe that, there are certain choices that the younger generation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
without relying on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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