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Should young people follow older people s example or it s good for them to challenge older people s opinions and thoughts Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Should young people follow older people s example or it s good for them to challenge older people s opinions and thoughts 2
People have different views on how young citizens should plan their future. Some assert that they should copy the older generations’ path. While I would agree with others who encourage young people to think differently. The fact that young people could better fit in society is one of the reasons why people are in favour of following tradition. This because in many countries, people still have a stereotype of what a woman or man should do, and following this stereotype will make an individual more acceptable in society. For example, many girls want to be an elementary school teacher or a nurse, as these jobs are the most ideal jobs for a female. And women who conduct these jobs are the most popular ones in the marriage market. Therefore, following the tradition is beneficial to become popular in society. Nevertheless, I agree with people who believe challenging old traditions is a better choice. The reason is that people live in an ever-changing world, which means what worked before might not work in modern society. For instance, in the past, people believed that men and women should get married in their 20s, however, this is impractical to modern young couples. This is because most young citizens are either busy with pursuing a higher degree or building up their careers in their 20s. Starting a family at such an early age will make these ambitious young people lose chances to achieve their potential and become less competitive in society. In conclusion, it is true that follow the old steps will benefit people in some way, but I would argue young generations should try to make changes, as only by doing this, they can keep up with fast development of the world, and become more competent in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on how
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young
citizens should plan their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that they should copy the older generations’ path.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with others who encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
.

The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could better fit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of following tradition. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
have a stereotype of what a woman or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
should do, and following this stereotype will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual more acceptable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
girls want to be an elementary school teacher or a nurse, as these jobs are the most ideal jobs for a female. And women who conduct these jobs are the most popular ones in the marriage market.
Therefore
, following the tradition is beneficial to become popular in society.

Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe challenging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions is a better choice. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an ever-changing world, which means what worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
might not work in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in their 20s,
however
, this is impractical to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens are either busy with pursuing a higher degree or building up their careers in their 20s. Starting a family at such an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose chances to achieve their potential and become less competitive in society.

In conclusion
, it is true that follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
steps will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by doing this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of the world, and become more competent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Should young people follow older people s example or it s good for them to challenge older people s opinions and thoughts 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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