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Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 3
Some people believe that, adolescents should pursue elderly people's past experiences while others think, it is better to argue their ideas as well as their feelings. This essay will discuss both the arguments in detail and provide evidence as to why young people should follow older people as their role models to learn from their lives. On the one hand, older people's ideas are obsolete. In other words, although, greying people are so meticulous and impeccable, they are not updated with the latest technology innovations. As a result, they do not have vast knowledge about current situations. This is why, teenagers often maintain a gap with them. For example, in my country, the majority of the older people do not know, how to operate the computer. However; I do not believe that, this is not a valid reason to argue that, senior citizen's opinions are avoidable. On the other hand, elderly people have enormous life experiences. In detail, experienced people know how to deal with pressure in different situations rather than succumb. Even though the younger generation is always zealous and audacious, they do not have enough experience and practical knowledge to deal with various situations. So it is an undeniable fact that, older generation could inculcate and influence youngsters achieve good things in their life. Without proper guidance, teenagers may have a chance to go astray. For instance, in my experience, I often seek help from my father, if any difficult situation occurs. In conclusion, despite the lack of technological knowledge they have, they can give proper guidance and inculcation from their past experience. So in my opinion, teens should learn from greying people in order to learn better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, adolescents should pursue elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is better to argue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as well
as their feelings. This essay will discuss both the arguments in detail and provide evidence as to why young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as their role models to learn from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are obsolete.
In other words
, although,
Possible spelling mistake found.
greying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
meticulous and impeccable, they are not updated with the latest technology innovations.
As a result
, they do not have vast knowledge about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. This is why,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
maintain a gap with them.
For example
, in my country, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know, how to operate the computer.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
; I do not believe that, this is not a valid reason to argue that, senior citizen's opinions are avoidable.

On the other hand
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have enormous life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. In detail, experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to deal with pressure in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
rather
than succumb.
Even though
the younger generation is always zealous and audacious, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and practical knowledge to deal with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is an undeniable fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation could inculcate and influence youngsters achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things in their life. Without proper guidance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may have a chance to go astray.
For instance
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from my father, if any difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
occurs.

In conclusion
, despite the lack of technological knowledge they have, they can give proper guidance and inculcation from their past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, teens should learn from
Possible spelling mistake found.
greying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to learn better.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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