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Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. v. 3
It has been argued that every country has its own cultural shades and the people visiting them must follow these native rules. In my opinion, I fully agree with this belief, as it helps the travellers to not only learn new traditions, but will also help them to intermingle with the locals. Firstly, one of the aim of tourism is to get information about the unique customs of different nations of the world. There is a famous saying that ''while in Rome, do as the Romans do". So, it's a moral obligation of everyone to follow the rules and regulations of the visited places. Similarly, this practice will also help them to avoid any untoward incident. Moreover, the canvas of tourists will acquire new traditional rituals which will, ultimately, help them to survive in an alien world. For instance, the Europeans are fond of travelling and are famous for their law abiding habits. Secondly, people make new relationships with the locals by following their culture. This, on the one hand, brings different nations closer, whereas on the other hand, increases the trade and family bondages. Furthermore, it will not only enhance the horizon of individuals, but will also bring peace and prosperity in the world. As a result of increasing family ties, ethnic diversity of the globe enhances making the genetic pool more complex and diverse. For example, according to a research published in a British journal, the population of the United States of America is from different ethnic background, making it more deep rooted and strong. To conclude, I think that the relationship among different tribes is increasing day by day, because of their respect for each others values and inculcating them their own walk of life.
It has
been argued
that every country has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural shades and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow these native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. In my opinion, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this belief, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn new traditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to intermingle with the locals.

Firstly
, one of the aim of tourism is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about the unique customs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations of the world. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying that ''while in Rome, do as the Romans do
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it's a moral obligation of everyone to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of the visited places.
Similarly
, this practice will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to avoid any untoward incident.
Moreover
, the canvas of tourists will acquire new traditional rituals which will,
ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to survive in an alien world.
For instance
, the Europeans are fond of travelling and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
law abiding
habits.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relationships with the locals by following their culture. This, on the one hand, brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations closer, whereas
on the other hand
, increases the trade and family
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondages
.
Furthermore
, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the horizon of individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
bring peace and prosperity in the world.
As a result
of increasing family ties, ethnic diversity of the globe enhances making the genetic pool more complex and diverse.
For example
, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
published in a British journal, the population of the United States of America is from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnic background, making it more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
deep rooted
and strong.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tribes is increasing day by day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their respect for each others values and inculcating them their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
walk of life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that tourists should follow the traditional customs of the host country. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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