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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v.7

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 7
It is undeniably that they are wealthy and poorer nations around the globe. Wealthy nations are perhaps the developed countries which include the United Kingdom and European countries whereas the poorer nations are the developing ad undeveloped nations such as Africa and India. Many people argue that wealthy nations should share their wealth among poorer nations by providing food and education, for example. Nevertheless, other people argue it is the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves. I agree that wealthy nations should help poorer nations with the provision of basic needs. First of all, in my opinion, I feel that wealthy nations should share wealth with poorer nations for the sake of peacefulness. In the history, we learn that some countries were involving in wars as the citizens were not fulfilled with basic requirements. When people are not provided in food, they will rob others. One point worth mentioning is that education is very important to a country as literacy will lead people to think rationally. I have to admit that people tend to commit crime for living if they are not fulfilled with basic needs, if they run to other countries for basic needs, there will be severe impact on those countries whereby a portion of their food production have to be distributed to them. For example, North Korea is always in wars as people are hungry and education is not provided. Some people assume that the government of poorer nations should be wholly responsible for their citizens and wealthy nations should not share their wealth with poorer nations. Their belief is that wealthy nations were once poorer nations before they became wealthy. They argue if these countries were hardworking in food production, they will not face suc problem. They do not think of the repercussion of not lending hands to poorer nations might lead to war. As the world is becoming globalised nowadays, therefore, the wealthy nations should share some wealth with poorer nations. Who knows one day these poorer nations might help wealthy nations in the future. In conclusion, I have to confess that the sharing of wealth by wealthy nations with poorer nations will only bring benefits to the world. Thus, I think the wealthy nations can help poorer nations by investing in these nations financially. It is understandably that when poorer nations are able to a job from multinational companies, their basic needs which include food and education are fulfilled. In consequently, they will not commit crime or have war. This strategy is considered a one stone killed two birds strategy as the wealthy nations will get profits from the investment and poorer nations will have their countries’ economy developed.
It is
undeniably
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are perhaps the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which include the United Kingdom and European
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countries
whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are the developing ad undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
such as Africa and India.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
by providing
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food
and
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education
,
for example
.
Nevertheless
, other
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people
argue it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
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poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to look after their citizens themselves. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with the provision of
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basic
needs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my opinion, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
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share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for the sake of peacefulness. In the history, we learn that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were involving
in
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wars
as the citizens were not fulfilled with
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basic
requirements. When
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people
are not provided in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they will rob others. One point worth mentioning is that
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education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as literacy will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
rationally
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to commit crime for living if they are not fulfilled with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs, if they run to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs, there will be severe impact on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whereby a portion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be distributed
to them.
For example
, North Korea is always in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hungry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not provided.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
assume that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be wholly responsible for their citizens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Their belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
were once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
. They argue if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were hardworking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production, they will not face
Possible spelling mistake found.
suc
problem. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the repercussion of not lending hands to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
might lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
. As the world is becoming
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
nowadays,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
knows one day these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the future.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
confess that the sharing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring benefits to the world.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
by investing in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
financially
. It is
understandably
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are able to a job from multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
needs which include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are fulfilled
. In
consequently
, they will not commit crime or have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
. This strategy
is considered
a one stone killed two birds strategy as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profits from the investment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
economy developed.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
100Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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