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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heared everywhere nowadays? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant ex v.30

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heared everywhere nowadays? 30
It is not surprising to notice that almost everyone walking on the street is listening to music by using either MP3 or hand phones. In addition, people choose to listen to the type of music based on their taste and preference. With a variety if demands in term of music, there are many different types of music and songs being composed in the world today. In my country, Malaysia, people’s preference on music are more to K-Pop music. In this essay, I will discuss on the reasons why we need music and whether the traditional music of a country is more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays. First and foremost, we need music in our daily life as music can relax our minds and reduce our stress in the daily routine works. According to a prominent psychologist, he mentioned that listening to classical music before going to bed can provide our bodies a good sleep at night as the classical music has a very slow rhythm and soft melody. It can reduce our tension after long working hours. It is surprising to note that people who rarely listen to music have high level of stress and are more likely to commit suicide as a result as compared to people who listen to music every day. Therefore, in order to keep our mentally healthy, we should listen to music in our spare time or when we are in the car after working hours. Secondly, people need music because it is one of the hot topics discussed among friends. Nowadays, there are many youngsters listen to K-Pop music and their idols are Korean celebrities. They listen to music that match their personality. They are considered out of date if they do not listen to K-Pop music. Apart from that, people need music for party or any kind of celebration. For instance, in my cousin’s wedding party which was held few weeks ago, I notice the music played by the party are of variety kinds. In my opinion, I feel that both the traditional music of a country and the International music are equally important for the people. The traditional music of the country enables people to be more nationalistic and it tells people’s culture through the lyrics and melodies of the music. In contrast, the International music is very important to the world today as it is the leader of the world music and it shows what type of music is popular in the world. For instance, when my mother was young, people in that era used to listen to western style music such as the songs of Michael Jackson. In today’s world, many people still listen to his songs and other western style music such as the songs of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. In conclusion, when people have leisure time, they shall listen to music to relieve stress before engaging to daily routine works again. It is important for our mental health and keeps us to stay positive and be more optimistic. Besides, the traditional music of a country and the International music are both important to us as the traditional music represents our culture while the International music is the footstep of fashion.
It is not surprising to notice that almost everyone walking on the street is listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by using either MP3 or hand phones.
In addition
,
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people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
based on their taste and preference. With a variety if demands in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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music
and songs
being composed
in the
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world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Malaysia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
preference on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are more to K-Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In this essay, I will discuss on the reasons why we
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need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and whether the
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
is heard
everywhere nowadays.

First
and foremost, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our daily life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can relax our minds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the daily routine works. According to a prominent psychologist, he mentioned that listening to classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to bed can provide our bodies a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sleep at night as the classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slow rhythm and soft melody. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our tension after long working hours. It is surprising to note that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rarely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and are more likely to commit suicide
as a result
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
every day.
Therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our mentally healthy, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our spare time or when we are in the car after working hours.

Secondly
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the hot topics discussed among friends. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to K-Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and their idols are Korean celebrities. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that match their personality. They
are considered
out of date if they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to K-Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for party or any kind of celebration.
For instance
, in my cousin’s wedding party which
was held
few weeks ago, I notice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
played by the party are of variety kinds.

In my opinion, I feel that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more nationalistic and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
culture through the lyrics and melodies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
as it is the leader of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is popular in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, when my mother was young,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to western style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as the songs of Michael Jackson. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to his songs and other western style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as the songs of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.

In conclusion
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have leisure time, they shall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
engaging to daily routine works again. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for our mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us to stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and be more optimistic.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to us as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represents our culture while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the footstep of fashion.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
87Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heared everywhere nowadays? 30

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
538 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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