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Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words. v.3

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence. v. 3
With the existing globalization of the industry, all countries are closely connected to each other. It is discussed at multiple platforms that the established countries should back the poor countries to sustain themselves, although some people argued that it is a local union responsibility to support their citizens. Moreover, both sides have their justification points, but as everyone is part of global society, I strongly feel that rich countries should support the countries in need. Firstly, globalization of the today’s world made strong dependencies among the people, which made this earth as a big global society. It is required to maintain economic balance in the society, as any sort of disagreement or lack of resources in one part of the world would trigger the anarchy in that region. This would not only impact that region’s stability, whereas it would impact the natural resources or supply of products from that region. For example, the lack of stability in Iraq or Afghanistan, where people had lured to the monetary benefits offered by terrorist organizations. This all happened as these countries did not have the proper education mechanism. This impacts the supply of crude oil from Iraq and dry fruits from Afghanistan. Furthermore, lack of resources in poor countries made them more vulnerable to maintain the hygiene which might lead to the epidemic disease. This would impact and spread the disease to other parts of the globe. For instance, there was an outbreak of Ebola in 70s from Africa, which had impacted several countries and contributed to 5000 deaths. These incidents can be managed, if the local authority has enough funds to contain these outbreaks. In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the established nations to support the undeveloped countries economically and technically to maintain the balance in the global community. Any sort of unbalance across the globe would have consequences on society’s growth and existence of humanity.
With the existing globalization of the industry, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
closely
connected to each other. It
is discussed
at multiple platforms that the established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should back the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to sustain themselves, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that it is a local union responsibility to support their citizens.
Moreover
, both sides have their justification points,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as everyone is part of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I
strongly
feel that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in need.

Firstly
, globalization of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world made strong dependencies among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which made this earth as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It
is required
to maintain economic balance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as any sort of disagreement or lack of resources in one part of the world would trigger the anarchy in that region. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
that region’s stability, whereas it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
the natural resources or supply of products from that region.
For example
, the lack of stability in Iraq or Afghanistan, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had lured to the monetary benefits offered by terrorist organizations. This all happened as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
did not have the proper education mechanism. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
the supply of crude oil from Iraq and dry fruits from Afghanistan.

Furthermore
, lack of resources in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
made them more vulnerable to maintain the hygiene which might lead to the epidemic disease. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
and spread the disease to other parts of the globe.
For instance
, there was an outbreak of Ebola in 70s from Africa, which had impacted several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and contributed to 5000 deaths. These incidents can
be managed
, if the local authority has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to contain these outbreaks.

In conclusion
, it is the responsibility of the established nations to support the undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economically
and
technically
to maintain the balance in the global community. Any sort of unbalance across the globe would have consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
growth and existence of humanity.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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