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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 1
it is controversial that increasing prison sentences is an effective way to reduce the crime in a nation, while others insist that there are many better alternative solutions to decrease this epidemic. In my opinion, I agree both sides and I am going to give reasons in this essay. On the one hand, there are many benefits to giving longer prison sentences. Firstly, the criminals who committed crimes such as sexual assault, murder, drug trafficking should be put into jail for a long period. it helps innocent people and teenagers live in a safe world. Moreover, the longer offenders stay in a prison, the higher chances of them to rehabilitate and re-educate their characters. For example, Le Van Luyen, killing seven people in a family when he was 18 years old, was remanded in custody for 20 years because of his wrong-doing. this illustration deters a lawbreaker from doing the same thing as him. On the other hand, to reduce crime rates, the governments’ policies can impose many different punishments. Community services are the best opportunity for offenders to start life afresh. For instance, they can clean the environment, product goods in some factories near their prisons, and absolutely, they have been under heavy supervision. it not only allows criminals to contribute their abilities to society but also makes other people have a different perspective of them. As a result, the lawbreakers will realize that they can be a good citizen and improve their morals. However, this way does not let the dangerous and violent people do it because no one makes sure that they do not harm people to walk around the streets or try to escape the supervisions. In conclusion, I believe that there are many ways to decrease the crime rates depending on the different elements that I mentioned above.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is controversial that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences is an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in a nation, while others insist that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
better alternative solutions to decrease this epidemic. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
both
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sides and
I am going to give reasons in this essay.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to giving longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences.
Firstly
, the criminals who committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as sexual assault, murder, drug trafficking should
be put
into jail for a long period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a safe world.
Moreover
, the longer offenders stay in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, the higher chances of them to rehabilitate and re-educate their characters.
For example
, Le Van
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luyen
, killing seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a family when he was 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
was remanded
in custody for 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
-doing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
illustration deters a lawbreaker from doing the same thing as him.

On the other hand
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ policies can impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
punishments. Community services are the best opportunity for offenders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
life afresh.
For instance
, they can clean the environment, product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factories near their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, and
absolutely
, they have been under heavy supervision.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
criminals to contribute their abilities to society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective of them.
As a result
, the lawbreakers will realize that they can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their morals.
However
, this way does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure that they do not harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to walk around the streets or try to escape the supervisions.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates depending on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
elements that I mentioned above.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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