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Should the most important education for students be conducted in the classroom, but not out of the classroom? v.2

Should the most important education for students be conducted in the classroom, but not out of the classroom? v. 2
In modern society, in the wake of intense competition in academic field, a greatly increased number of parents concern about how to improve their children’s school work and it is also imperative for school to adopt a new mode of education to make the process with more efficiency. This phenomenon gives rise to an earnest concern about whether the most important education for students should be conducted in the classroom. Some people render their support to this, but as far as I’m concerned, there are still other methods function well. Admittedly, the education in classroom plays a more and more crucial role in the society. It is largely acknowledged that education is the key determinant of society. As its most basic definition, education is nothing more than the teaching of ideas. If children can obtain education with high quality, to some extent, they are granted to achieve their academic targets and posses the opportunities to have career advancement in the future. In this term, one of the most effective way to gain systematic knowledge is to study in the classroom on the grounds that the teachers, with more experiences and patience, will help you become equipped with knowledge at ease. In addition, only through the school education can the students get excellent grades in standardized exam in a most efficient way. However, the deficiency of school education is also supposed to take into consideration. More and more people have been aware that this mode of education is killing some ability of students, such as the creativity and innovation. Beneficial though it is, many students just can’t assimilate the knowledge. They just memorize them, and once the exam ends, they will forget the relative knowledge as soon as possible. To some extent, we should admit that the power of creativity outweighs the knowledge that learned throng the cramming with regard to the inventions dramatically change the world. The creativity resembles the concrete frames of an architecture on the part of modernization of the society. For instance, if a student only has a good command of how to get good grades instead of using the knowledge, the knowledge will do no benefit to the development of the whole society. Finally, conducting education out of class can be conducive to students as well. It is a beneficial chance for student to digest what they have learned in the classroom, and only through this way can the assimilated theory be put into practice and become valuable to them. Moreover, the field study can also help the students further their understanding of subjects they learned in school, and comprehend the knowledge in a deep degree. For example, there is a trend in university that many students are prone to have a part-time job. This is not only a very good way to earn money, but also a chance for them to use the knowledge in reality. Some of them may become teachers, tour guides, or even designer working for companies. And the upside of this mode of education is obvious, it can assist them to prepare for the future career and find their real love from the bottom of the heart. From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that having education in classroom is not the best mode for students, and if there is anyone out there who still wonders if this mode has drawbacks, who till doubts if outdoor education also provides students with a clear picture of the knowledge, this essay is my answer.
In modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, in the wake of intense competition in academic field, a
greatly
increased number of parents concern about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work and it is
also
imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to adopt a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process with more efficiency. This phenomenon gives rise to an earnest concern about whether the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be conducted
in the classroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
render their support to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as far as I’m concerned, there are
still
other methods function well.

Admittedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in classroom plays a more and more crucial role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It is
largely
acknowledged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key determinant of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. As its most basic definition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is nothing more than the teaching of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. If children can obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with high quality, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, they
are granted
to achieve their academic targets and posses the opportunities to have career advancement in the future. In this term, one of the most effective
Please check whether a plural form of 'way' should be used.
way
to gain systematic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is to study in the classroom on the grounds that the teachers, with more experiences and patience, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you become equipped with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excellent grades in standardized exam in a most efficient way.

However
, the deficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
also
supposed to take into consideration. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been aware that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is killing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, such as the creativity and innovation. Beneficial though it is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can’t assimilate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
memorize them, and once the exam ends, they will forget the relative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, we should admit that the power of creativity outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that learned throng the cramming with regard to the inventions
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world. The creativity resembles the concrete frames of an architecture on the part of modernization of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
command of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades
instead
of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
will do no benefit to the development of the whole society.

Finally
, conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can be conducive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
. It is a beneficial chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to digest what they have learned in the classroom, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
through this way can the assimilated theory
be put
into practice and become valuable to them.
Moreover
, the field study can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
further
their understanding of subjects they learned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and comprehend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in a deep degree.
For example
, there is a trend in university that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are prone to have a part-time job. This is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to earn money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a chance for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in reality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them may become teachers, tour guides, or even designer working for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. And the upside of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is obvious, it can assist them to prepare for the future career and find their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from the bottom of the heart.

From what has
been discussed
above, we can
safely
draw a conclusion that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in classroom is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and if there is anyone out there who
still
wonders if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
has drawbacks, who till doubts if outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
picture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, this essay is my answer.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Should the most important education for students be conducted in the classroom, but not out of the classroom? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
586 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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