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Do you agree with the following statement? Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v.13

Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v. 13
Nowadays, travelling has not become an excellent way to get away form the daily life for a leisure and relax, but also a good means to broaden one’s horizons. But a controversy that how to choose our destination of our trip has come into our sight. Some people hold the point of view that traveling in their own country will be conducive to them while others hold opposite ideas that it will be better to go abroad. As far as I’m concerned, they are equally advantageous to us. On the one hand, traveling abroad can help us grasp a marvelous opportunity to further our understanding of foreign countries to a larger degree. When step onto another country, it will be easy for us to get an overall and comprehensive view of the real life of local citizens, and we can also build an intimate relationship with them. Only if you experience the same thing written in books or showed in the screen personally in reality, can you build your own perspective and not rely on second-hand information. For instance, before I traveled to Indian, the image of this country demonstrates that this country is poor, to some extent, and it can’t keep pace with the modernization of the whole world. The stories and pictures also exhibit that this country is stuffed with discrimination and prejudice of women. However, when I got connected with the masses there during the trip, I found that they are all friendly to foreigners like us, and the cuisine there is delicious as well. Women from every walk of life there is sparing no efforts to fighting for their own rights, which left impressive memory in my mind. Thus, on no account should we state that we are familiar with a country without immerse in there on our own. On the other hand, the significance of traveling in our motherland also should be mentioned. Needless to say, speaking the same language, we can easily build relationship with the local and can push our communication to a deep degree. To illustrate, when traveling in Shandong province, based on the local culture that advocate the similar values and attitudes, there is no difficulty for you to interact with them and you can also accept their own unique culture. You can enjoy different attractions and foot there without considering behave improperly. And if you visit the well-known scenic spots such as Mountain Tai, it will easily touch you and a pride of your motherland will stem from this. On the contrary, without history background, it is conceivable that you can not get clear picture of the meaning under the surface of attractions in foreign country, and sometimes it will cost a lot time to behave like the masses there. From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that traveling in a foreign country is no less important than taking a trip in your own country. Not only shouldn’t we give top priority to any one of them, and should we choose one of them for our destination concerning our own demands as well.
Nowadays, travelling has not become an excellent way to
get
away form the daily life for a leisure and relax,
but
also
a
good
means to broaden one’s horizons.
But
a controversy that how to choose our destination of our trip has
come
into our sight.
Some
people
hold the point of view that traveling in their
own
country
will be conducive to them while others hold opposite
ideas
that it will be better to go abroad. As far as I’m concerned, they are
equally
advantageous to us.

On the one hand, traveling abroad can
help
us grasp a marvelous opportunity to
further
our understanding of foreign
countries
to a larger degree. When step onto another
country
, it will be easy for us to
get
an
overall
and comprehensive view of the real life of local citizens, and we can
also
build an intimate relationship with them.
Only
if you experience the same thing written in books or
showed
in the screen
personally
in reality, can you build your
own
perspective and not rely on second-hand information.
For instance
,
before
I traveled to Indian, the image of this
country
demonstrates that this
country
is poor, to
some
extent, and it can’t
keep
pace with the modernization of the whole world. The stories and pictures
also
exhibit that this
country
is stuffed
with discrimination and prejudice of women.
However
, when I
got
connected with the masses there during the trip, I found that they are all friendly to foreigners like us, and the cuisine there is delicious
as well
. Women from every walk of life there is sparing no efforts to fighting for their
own
rights, which
left
impressive memory in my mind.
Thus
, on no account should we state that we are familiar with a
country
without immerse in there on our
own
.

On the other hand
, the significance of traveling in our motherland
also
should
be mentioned
. Needless to say, speaking the same language, we can
easily
build relationship with the local and can push our communication to a deep degree. To illustrate, when traveling in Shandong province, based on the local culture that advocate the similar values and attitudes, there is no difficulty for you to interact with them and you can
also
accept their
own
unique culture. You can enjoy
different
attractions and foot there without considering behave
improperly
. And if you visit the well-known scenic spots such as Mountain Tai, it will
easily
touch you and a pride of your motherland will stem from this.
On the contrary
, without history background, it is conceivable that you can not
get
clear
picture of the meaning under the surface of attractions in foreign
country
, and
sometimes
it will cost
a lot time
to behave like the masses there.

From what has
been discussed
above, we can
safely
draw a conclusion that traveling in a foreign
country
is no less
important
than taking
a trip in
your
own
country
. Not
only
shouldn’t we give top priority to any one of them, and should we choose one of them for our destination concerning our
own
demands
as well
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
518 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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