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Some young adult want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some want to stay with them for a longer period of time. Which of these situation do yo think is better? Use Specific example and reason to support your position. v.2

Some young adult want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some want to stay with them for a longer period of time. Which of these situation do yo think is better? Use Specific example and reason to support your position. v. 2
The notion of Independence really varies from person to person. While some might say that being free, doing whatever they like doing, and making own decisions as independence, some other person may view independence as differently. So, the idea of independence really subjective topic. Yes, some adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible while some may want to stay with them for a longer period of time. Personally, I like living with them for a longer period time cause that is the time in which they will need us the most. First, we as a human being, talk a lot about returning the favor to someone who has done a lot for us. For instance, our mother nature: environment. If we have such a notion for other things of returning the favor then why cannot we have the same feeling for our own parents? . They are the people who gave their lives just to make our life beautiful and prosperous. Just lately, a friend of mine, who got out of his home to seek independence, called me and said that his mother was ill and was upset about the fact that he was not there when his mother, who was a single mother and did all she could to help her son thrive, needed him the most. He also mentioned the fact that had he been there for his mother, he would not have had to face such a day. Second, we are a social animal, we need a company to stay mentally sound. In a case when we feel bored and likewise we tend to seek a company of friends. why cannot we feel the same about our parents? . They also need some company to keep them busy and contained. When the children live with their parents for a longer period of time then they will feel very relaxed cause they are just worried about us. If that worrying continues for a longer period of time, that can lead to a serious mental problem. For example, one of my friend, who was settled in abroad, heard the news that her father was admitted to hospital for developing a small tumor in his head, but nothing serious. She immediately came to her own country and started spending time with her father. The result was astonishing. Her father started to recover real quick and within 1 month of operation, he was normal. Therefore, I suggest that every adult should live with their parents a little more than they think. Our parents think of us as of their only world, but we are unable to give us our small time. So, we must do the most from our side not just to fulfill our responsibility, but also to fulfill their dreams and wishes.
The notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Independence
really
varies from person to person. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might say that being free, doing whatever they like doing, and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other person may view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
as
differently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
really
subjective topic. Yes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may want to stay with them for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Personally
, I like living with them for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
cause
that is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which they will need us the most.

First
, we as a human being, talk a lot about returning the favor to someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has done a lot for us.
For instance
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
nature: environment. If we have such a notion for other things of returning the favor then why cannot we have the same feeling for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
They are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
gave their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and prosperous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
lately, a friend of mine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
out of his home to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
, called me and said that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
was ill and
was upset
about the fact that he was not there when his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and did all she could to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her son thrive, needed him the most. He
also
mentioned the fact that had he been there for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, he would not have had to face such a day.

Second, we are a social animal, we need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to stay mentally sound. In a case when we feel bored and
likewise
we tend to seek a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of friends.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
why
cannot we feel the same about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
They
also
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them busy and contained. When the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
then they will feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relaxed
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
worried about us. If that worrying continues for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, that can lead to a serious mental problem.
For example
, one of my friend,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was settled
in abroad, heard the news that her father
was admitted
to hospital for developing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tumor in his head,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nothing serious. She immediately came to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with her father. The result was astonishing. Her father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to recover real quick and within 1 month of operation, he was normal.

Therefore
, I suggest that every adult should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of us as of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we are unable to give us our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do the most from our side not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to fulfill our responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to fulfill their dreams and wishes.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adult want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some want to stay with them for a longer period of time. Which of these situation do yo think is better? Use Specific example and reason to support your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
466 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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